You Must Consciously Break the Pattern

Focusing on what we don’t want has a reach far greater than we realize. It is our natural tendency, and it’s been going on a long time.

Do you remember third-grade reading class? Most people I talk to remember the same thing. You’re sitting with your group at the reading table, and everyone has to take turns reading. Pretty soon it’s your turn. Chances are, while your classmates were reading, you weren’t even listening. You were mentally counting how many more students before it’s your turn. Your fear builds, your heart pounds, your hands tremble, and you can’t stop thinking how hard it is. Finally, it’s your turn. One agonizing word at a time, you finally get through the paragraph. And you make it through the day, and you make it through third grade. And it doesn’t ever really go away.

Now you’ve moved from the classroom to the conference room. They’re not your classmates, they’re your colleagues. You’re all supposed to give your reports. And you’re doing it again—wondering which direction they’re going to go around the table. You’re still focused on not wanting to make a mistake, on not wanting to look foolish, and your heart pounds. Why does this happen? Why do we spend time and energy dealing with fear and obstacles instead of taking action to move in the right direction? It’s so simple we can recognize it in others, and yet it’s so subtle we don’t see it in ourselves. That’s the problem. We don’t realize that we’re focused on what we don’t want.

Raising your consciousness will help you begin moving in the opposite direction. One small shift makes a big difference. It may sound easy, but it’s not. The hard work is focusing on what you want to happen and not on what you are trying to avoid.

Think It

Similar to the Law of Attraction, start by making a commitment to focus your thoughts on what you want, not on what you don’t want. Write down specifically what you want. Make a contract with yourself.

See It

Now picture it in your mind. The more vividly you can picture the desired outcome, with every detail, the better. Many people find and display pictures that illustrate their desires. They find it very motivational and effective.

Identify pictures that depict what you want. I’m not talking about material things. I’m referring to things like successful projects, growth and professional development, new skills, and an amazing family unit. What do these look like to you?

Focus on the goal. More important than the words you say to others are the words you say to yourself.

Do It

Put these intentions into action. Become aware of what you’re focusing on, and focus on what you can control instead of on what you can’t. Practice and be persistent.

I am a host on a Twin Cities television show called Life to the Max, produced by the Lifetouch Corporation (the K–12 school portrait photography and yearbook company). On the show, I tell the stories of people with special talents, people who persevere when it would be easier to quit, and people who have the self-discipline to put in the time. Renowned painter Jeffrey Hurinenko is one of those people.

In the interview, I asked Jeff what it takes to be as good as he is. He said, “You can have all the talent in the world. You can study art all day long. But if you want to get really good, you’ve got to be willing to put in the miles.” He calls it “brush mileage.” You have to close yourself off from others and put in the time with a brush and canvas.

In Malcolm Gladwell’s book Outliers, the author discusses the fact that people who have achieved greatness—whether in sports, music, or business—have clocked 10,000 hours of brush mileage or sweat equity to achieve success. Be persistent and practice.