第8章 Fundamental Techniques…(8)

One of the most neglected virtues of our daily existence isappreciation, Somehow, we neglect to praise our son or daughterwhen he or she brings home a good report card, and we fail toencourage our children when they first succeed in baking a cakeor building a birdhouse. Nothing pleases children more than thiskind of parental interest and approval.

The next time you enjoy filet mignon at the club, send wordto the chef that it was excellently prepared, and when a tiredsalesperson shows you unusual courtesy, please mention it.

Every minister, lecturer and public speaker knows thediscouragement of pouring himself or herself out to an audienceand not receiving a single ripple of appreciative comment. Whatapplies to professionals applies doubly to workers in offices, shopsand factories and our families and friends. In our interpersonalrelations we should never forget that all our associates are humanbeings and hunger for appreciation. It is the legal tender that allsouls enjoy.

Try leaving a friendly trail of little sparks of gratitude on yourdaily trips. You will be surprised how they will set small flames offriendship that will be rose beacons on your next visit.

Hurting people not only does not change them, it is nevercalled for. There is an old saying that I have cut out and pasted onmy mirror where I cannot help but see it every day：I shall pass this way but once; any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let medo it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass thisway again.

Emerson said："Every man I meet is my superior in some way,In that, I learn of him."

If that was true of Emerson, isn't it likely to be a thousandtimes more true of you and me? Let's cease thinking of ouraccomplishments, our wants. Let's try to figure out the otherperson's good points. Then forget flattery. Give honest, sincereappreciation. Be"hearty in your approbation and lavish in yourpraise," and people will cherish your words and treasure themand repeat them over a lifetime—repeat them years after you haveforgotten them.

PRINCIPLE 2：

Give honest and sincere appreciation.

Chapter 3

“He Who Can Do This Has the Whole WorldWith Him. He Who Cannot Walks a Lonely Way"

I often went fishing up in Maine during the summer. PersonallyI am very fond of strawberries and cream, but I have found that forsome strange reason, fish prefer worms. So when I went fishing,I didn't think about what I wanted. I thought about what theywanted. I didn't bait the hook with strawberries and cream.

Rather, I dangled a worm or a grasshopper in front of the fish andsaid："Wouldn't you like to have that?"

Why not use the same common sense when fishing for people?

That is what Lloyd George, Great Britain's Prime Ministerduring World War I, did. When someone asked him how hemanaged to stay in power after the other wartime leaders—Wilson, Orlando and Clemenceau—had been forgotten, he repliedthat if his staying on top might be attributed to any one thing, itwould be to his having learned that it was necessary to bait thehook to suit the fish.

Why talk about what we want? That is childish. Absurd. Ofcourse, you are interested in what you want. You are eternallyinterested in it. But no one else is. The rest of us are just like you：we are interested in what we want.

So the only way on earth to influence other people is to talkabout what they want and show them how to get it.

Remember that tomorrow when you are trying to getsomebody to do something. If, for example, you don't want yourchildren to smoke, don't preach at them, and don't talk about what you want; but show them that cigarettes may keep them frommaking the basketball team or winning the hundred-yard dash.

This is a good thing to remember regardless of whether youare dealing with children or calves or chimpanzees. For example：one day Ralph Waldo Emerson and his son tried to get a calf intothe barn. But they made the common mistake of thinking only ofwhat they wanted： Emerson pushed and his son pulled. But thecalf was doing just what they were doing; he was thinking only ofwhat he wanted; so he stiffened his legs and stubbornly refusedto leave the pasture. The Irish housemaid saw their predicament.

She couldn't write essays and books; but, on this occasion at least,she had more horse sense, or calf sense, than Emerson had. Shethought of what the calf wanted; so she put her maternal finger inthe calf's mouth and let the calf suck her finger as she gently ledhim into the barn.

Every act you have ever performed since the day you wereborn was performed because you wanted something. How aboutthe time you gave a large contribution to the Red Cross? Yes, thatis no exception to the rule. You gave the Red Cross the donationbecause you wanted to lend a helping hand; you wanted to do abeautiful, unselfish, divine act."Inasmuch as ye have done it untoone of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."

If you hadn't wanted that feeling more than you wanted yourmoney, you would not have made the contribution. Of course,you might have made the contribution because you were ashamedto refuse or because a customer asked you to do it. But onething is certain. You made the contribution because you wantedsomething.

Harry A. Overstreet in his illuminating book Influencing HumanBehavior said："Action springs out of what we fundamentallydesire… and the best piece of advice which can be given to would-be persuaders, whether in business, in the home, in the school, inpolitics, is： First, arouse in the other person an eager want. Hewho can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannotwalks a lonely way."

Andrew Carnegie, the poverty-stricken Scotch lad who startedto work at two cents an hour and finally gave away? ＄365 million,learned early in life that the only way to influence people is to talkin terms of what the other person wants. He attended school onlyfour years; yet he learned how to handle people.