Chapter1 当爱召唤你时 When Love Beckons You
男人来自火星，女人来自金星 Whispering Love
佚名/Anonymous
Imagine that men are from Mars and women are from Venus.
One day, long ago, the Martians, looking through their telescopes, discovered the Venusians. Just glimpsing the Venusians awakened feelings they had never known. They fell in love and quickly invented space travel and flew to Venus. The Venusians welcomed the Martians with open arms. The love between the Venusians and Martians was magical. They delighted in being together, doing things together and sharing together. Both the Martians and Venusians forgot that they were from different planets, and were supposed to be different. And one morning, everything they had learned about their differences was erased from their memory. And since that day, men and women have been in conflict.
The most frequently expressed complaint women have about men is that men don’t listen. Either a man completely ignores her when she speaks, or he listens for a few beats, assesses what’s bothering her, and then he proudly puts on his Mr. Fix-it hat, and offers her a solution to make her feel better. No matter how many times she tells him that he’s not listening, he doesn’t get it, and he keeps doing the same thing. She wants sympathy, he thinks she wants solutions.
The most frequently expressed complaint men have about women is that women are always trying to change them. When a woman loves a man, she feels responsible to assist him in growing and tries to help him improve the way he does things. She forms the Home Improvement Committee, and he becomes her primary focus. No matter how much he resists her help, she persists, waiting for an opportunity to help him or to tell him what to do. She thinks she’s nurturing him, while he feels he’s being controlled. Martians value power, competency, efficiency, and achievement. Their sense of self is defined through their ability to achieve results. Achieving goals is very important to a Martian, because it’s the way for him to prove his competence and thus feel good about himself. And for him to feel good about himself, he must achieve these goals alone, by himself. To offer a man unsolicited advice is to presume that he doesn’t know what to do or that he can’t do it on his own.
Men are very touchy about this, because the issue of competence is so very important to them. However, if he truly does need help, then it’s a sign of wisdom to get it. In this case, he’ll find someone he respects and then talk about his problem. Talking about a problem on Mars is an invitation for advice. Another Martian feels honored by the opportunity. Automatically, he puts on his Mr.Fix-it hat, listens for a few beats, and then offers some jewels of advice. This Martian custom is one of the reasons men instinctively offer solutions when a woman talks about her feelings or about her problems.
Venusians have different values. Their sense of self is defined through their feelings and the quality of their relationships and their communication. They experience fulfillment through sharing and relating. Communication is of primary importance. To share their personal feelings is much more important than achieving goals or success. Talking and relating to one another is a source of tremendous fulfillment. Instead of being goal-oriented, women are relationshiporiented. They are more concerned with expressing their goodness, their love, their caring. Venusians are very intuitive. They pride themselves on being considerate of the needs and feelings of others. A sign of great love is to offer help and assistance to another Venusian without even being asked. Without this insight into the nature of men, it’s very easy for a woman to unknowingly and unintentionally hurt and offend the man she loves most.
Love is magical, and it can last if we remember our differences.
设想男人是从火星上来的，女人是从金星上来的。
很久以前的一天，火星人用望远镜眺望远方时，发现了金星人，这匆匆一瞥把火星人心中沉睡的感情唤醒了。他们对这种感情从不知晓。坠入爱河的火星人很快发明了太空旅行，飞往金星。金星上的女人们张开双臂迎接他们的到来。火星男人与金星女人之间的爱情真是奇妙。他们一起愉快地生活，一起工作，同甘共苦，他们都忘了彼此是来自不同的星球，忘了本应具有的差异。一天早晨，火星人和金星人完全忘却了彼此的不同，也就是从那天起，冲突开始在男人与女人之间发生。
女人抱怨男人最多的是男人不会倾听。当女人说话时，男人不是完全不理睬，就是稍听片刻，掂量一下困扰女人的问题，然后自傲地抛给女人一个解决的办法以安慰她就算了事。无论女人抱怨了多少次，说他没有倾听，他就是不懂，依然故技重演。女人需要同情，可男人以为她需要的是解决办法。
男人最常抱怨女人总试图改造自己。女人爱上男人时，便觉得帮助他成长是自己的责任，并尽力想帮助男人改进做事的方式。女人成立了家庭促进会，而改进男人就是它的首要目标。无论男人怎样拒绝她的帮助，女人都一再坚持，伺机帮助他或是告诉他该做什么。女人认为自己是在调教男人，而男人却觉得自己被控制了。男人崇尚权力、个人能力和成功。他们本是以取得成功的能力作为给自己的定义的。对他们而言，实现目标举足轻重，因为这能证明他们自身的能力，会让他们有良好的感觉。而男人要想建立良好的自我感觉，就必须独立自主地取得种种成功。在男人看来，女人自作主张提出的建议就是认为他们不知道该做什么，不能凭独自的力量获取胜利。
他们对此很恼火，因为个人能力对于他们非常重要。然而，如果男人确实需要帮助，取得帮助也是明智之举。在这种情况下，他会和一位他所敬重的人谈论自己的困难。男人谈论困难就是请求他人提供建议。被请求的人因此会颇感荣幸，并顺其自然地抒发感想，听对方诉说，然后提供宝贵的建议。男人的这种习惯，在一定程度上导致了他们在倾听女人谈论自己的情感和困惑时，本能地提供解决方案。
女人却对这些不予重视。她们是在感情和与人相处的融洽程度，以及交流中确定自我感觉的。女人在诉说感情和彼此联系中获得满足。交流对于她们至关重要，分担私人感情比达到目的要重要得多，让她们获得满足感的巨大源泉之一就是交谈与联系。男人看重的是目的，女人看重的是关系。她们更注重表达善意、友爱和关怀。女人具有敏锐的直觉，能处处为他人的需求和情感着想是她们引以为豪的事。主动向同伴提供帮助被她们看成是伟大的爱的展示。女人不洞悉男人的天性，就很容易在不知不觉中伤害了自己所挚爱的男人。
爱情神奇而微妙，只有记住男女之间的差异，爱情才会持久。
心灵小语
即使再怎样爱一个人，也要牢记：你们来自不同星球，永远不要试图同化他——也许你可以在某件事情上成功，但代价却是消耗掉他对你的爱。
unsolicited adj.未经要求的；自发的；自我推荐的
例 The record company receives dozens of unsolicited demo tapeseach week.
唱片公司每周收到数十盘自我推荐的试唱磁带。
instinctively adv.本能地；直觉地；天生地
例 He knew instinctively that something was wrong.
他凭直觉知道出事了。
intuitive adj.凭直觉得到的；基于直觉得到的；
例 Are women more intuitive than men?
女人比男人的直觉更强吗？
considerate adj.考虑周到的；体谅的；体贴的
例 It was very considerate of him to wait.
他一直在等候着，真是体贴人。
金星上的女人们张开双臂迎接他们的到来。
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男人看重的是目的，女人看重的是关系。
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爱情神奇而微妙，只有记住男女之间的差异，爱情才会持久。
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Either a man completely ignores her when she speaks, or he……
either……or……：要么……要么；不是……就是……
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……to assist him in growing and tries to help……
assist ……in……：帮助；协助；援助
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