学生译作讲评Analysis of Students’Translation Practice
原文链接：http：//www.fmprc.gov.cn/mfa_chn/zwbd_602255/t1101912.shtml
学生译文：Ambassador Li Hui Attends the Opening Ceremony of the International Seminar on Confucian Studies in Russia
翻译评析：驻外新闻报道的标题应当信息准确，一目了然。学生将“驻俄罗斯大使李辉”译成Ambassador Li Hui，漏译“驻俄罗斯”这一重要界定成分，应补充为Ambassador to Russia Li Hui。标题中“俄罗斯儒学研究”是国际研讨会的会议名称，属于专有名称，学生译为Confucian Studies in Russia，将俄罗斯处理为介词短语，仿佛成为句子的地点状语，这样不仅会产生歧义，而且在形式上看起来也不像一个国际会议的名称。因此，标题可以改译为：Ambassador to Russia Li Hui Attends the Opening Ceremony of the International Seminar on Russian Confucianism Studies
学生译文：On November 28，2013，the international symposium with the theme of“Confucianism Study in Russia”，jointly held by Institute of Oriental Studies of the Russian Academy of Sciences（RAS）and Confucius Institute of the Moscow State University, opened in Russia-China Friendship Hall in the Institute of Oriental Studies.Chinese Ambassador to Russia Li Hui, Director of Institute of Oriental Studies and Chairman of the Russia-China Friendship Association Academician Mikhail Titarenko, Chinese dean of Confucius Institute of the Moscow State University Ren Guangxuan, and Director of Institute of Philosophy of RAS Burov Vladilen addressed respectively at the opening ceremony.About 60 persons including Sinologists and diplomats of China, Russia and European countries and representatives of the media to Russia also attended.
翻译评析：学生译文中错译了“俄罗斯科学院远东研究所”这一机构名称。这属于特定机构，因此英文译名有相应的规范，“远东研究所”应译为Institute of Far Eastern Studies。国际研讨会在其友谊厅开幕，这个地点名词属于小地点，用介词at比in更恰当。“国际研讨会”的表述应当与标题一致，改为the international seminar。因此这段话中第一句的译文应当调整为On November 28，2013，the international seminar with the theme of“Russian Confucianism Studies”，jointly held by Institute of Far Eastern Studies of the Russian Academy of Sciences and Confucius Institute of the Moscow State University, opened at Russia-China Friendship Hall of the Institute of Far Eastern Studies.
第二句，在官员职衔的翻译上，学生译文将“俄中友协主席”处理为Chairman of the Russia-China Friendship Association，“孔子学院中方院长”译为Chinese dean of Confucius Institute，都是不规范的。“友协主席”通常译为President，而“中方院长”应当译为Chinese Director。学生译文在“……出席开幕式并分别致辞”这一句中漏译了were present at the opening ceremony。“汉学家”不是术语，英文中不需要大写首字母，译为sinologists即可。60人应改译为60 people。学生在“驻俄媒体”的翻译上照搬了“驻……大使”的译法，直接译为media to Russia是错误的，建议改为the media stationed in Russia。attend一词是及物动词，“60人出席”学生译为also attended，及物动词后面缺失名词宾语，应改译为About 60 people attended the event。综上所述，第二句译文可以调整为Chinese Ambassador to Russia H.E.Li Hui, Academician Mikhail Titarenko, Director of the Far East Institute and President of Russia-China Friendship Association, Chinese Director of Confucius Institute at the Moscow State University Ren Guangxuan, and Director of Institute of Philosophy of RAS Burov Vladilen were present at the opening ceremony and delivered speeches respectively.About 60 people including sinologists and diplomats of China, Russia and European countries and representatives of the media stationed in Russia attended the event.
学生译文：Ambassador Li first congratulated the successful hosting of the seminar, and expounded the core idea of Confucian thought and its profound influence on China’s history, culture, social life, and the independent and peaceful foreign policy.Ambassador Li pointed out that confronted with the currently rapid development of science and technology and the complex international political and economic situation, Confucian thought has more displayed its transcendental wisdom than ever before.Confucianism is not only the spiritual treasure of the Chinese nation, but also strikes roots and spreads out all around the world, affecting generation after generation which is worthy of our further research, study and thinking.
翻译评析：这一段的学生译文除了个别选词有待商榷，整体上质量不错。第一句中“祝贺……成功举办”，译为congratulated the successful hosting of……。“阐述”一词后跟两个名词短语“核心理念”和“深刻影响”，学生将其处理为expounded the core idea of……and its profound influence on，译文中巧妙地用了代词its指代“儒学思想”，只是“儒学思想”的表述可以调整为Confucianism，和标题中“儒学研究”（Confucianism Studies）一致。
这段译文的第二句中，有两个选词值得商榷：confronted with和complex。confront更多地运用于面对一些危险和挑战的语境中，而原文中面对日新月异的科学技术，选用faced with就可以了。complex 一般指something has many different parts, and is therefore often difficult to understand。“纷繁复杂的国际形势”调整为complicated更为恰当。学生译文将“儒家思想愈发显示出其超凡的智慧”译为Confucian thought has more displayed its……，是受到汉语语序的影响，改译为Confucianism has displayed more of its transcendental wisdom会显得更为地道和自然。
学生译文：Ambassador Li stressed Confucian Studies in Russia enjoys a long history and a solid foundation, and shows its increasingly new vitality accompanied with the in-depth development of the China-Russia comprehensive strategic partnership.We speak highly of the positive contributions to spread the Chinese culture as well as develop the cultural exchanges and cooperation between the two countries made by Institute of Oriental Studies and the Confucius Institute at Moscow University.We hope that in the coming year we could go hand in hand, collect the essence of Confucianism, develop the spirit of Confucianism and jointly make unremitting efforts to the sound and in-depth development of the China-Russia comprehensive strategic partnership.
翻译评析：原文第一句中，“中俄全面战略协作伙伴关系”学生译文有明显的漏译，comprehensive strategic partnership的意思是全面战略关系，应根据原文补充完整为Comprehensive Strategic Partnership of Coordination。原文中“日益焕发出”决定了译文中应当使用现在进行时态，所以译文调整为is demonstrating……。
这段译文的第二句将made by Institute of Oriental Studies and the Confucius Institute at Moscow University放置句末，离中心词the positive contributions过远，指代不清，会给读者造成阅读困难。因此，可以调整为the positive contributions made by Institute of Far Eastern Studies and the Confucius Institute at Moscow University to spreading the Chinese culture as well as developing the people-to-people and cultural exchanges and cooperation between China and Russia。此外，这句原文中“人文交流”除了文化交流之外还有人才交流的意思，所以学生译文应补充完整为people-to-people and cultural exchanges。
译文第三句中对原文两个动词“集成”和“发扬”的翻译，考虑到和宾语the essence以及the spirit的搭配，调整为extract the essence of Confucianism, carry forward the spirit of Confucianism更为地道。最后，“同为中俄全面战略协作伙伴关系健康深入发展而不懈努力”，学生译文中的make efforts to development应当加上动词promote。因此，最后一句可以调整为jointly make unremitting efforts to promote the healthy and in-depth development。
学生译文：Academician Titarenko, Dean Ren Guangxuan and Director Burov delivered a speech respectively to express the heartfelt thanks to Chinese Embassy for its strong and long-term support for the cultural and academic exchanges between Russia and China, and gave a detailed introduction on the historical development of Confucian thought, its history of spreading to Russia and other countries of the world and its important practical implications for human moral construction and the establishment of the concept of peace and inclusiveness, mutual respect and mutual benefit and win-win result.
翻译评析：学生译文delivered a speech出现了名词单复数错误。“季塔连科院士、任光宣院长、布罗夫所长分别致辞”，多人致辞应当是复数形式，所以改为delivered speeches respectively。“为促进俄中文化和学术交流提供的大力支持”学生漏译了“促进”，译文可以增补为support for the promotion of。“人类道德建设”学生译为human moral construction，属中式英语，如果改为moral construction of mankind则表述更清晰，更地道。学生译文中将“重要现实意义”译为important practical implications，但implication这个词更多情况下有“后果”和“含意”的意思，故改为significance更贴近 原文。
学生译文：They pointed out that the purpose of holding this seminar is to conduct in-depth discussion on the restoration of original charm of Confucian thought, and better play its important role in guiding the life in each area in today’s world.It is expected that this seminar could contribute its share to developing Russia-China cultural and people-to-people exchanges and friendship.
翻译评析：对于原文“举行此次研讨会旨在深入探讨恢复儒家思想的原本魅力，更好地发挥其对当今世界各领域生活的重要指导作用”的语义和句法进行仔细分析，不难发现研讨会是为了探讨儒家思想的原本魅力，从而更好地发挥儒家思想的重要指导作用。那么学生译文中this seminar is to conduct discussion……and better play……，将“探讨”和“发挥”处理为并列结构，就混淆了原句的句法结构，产生了歧义。为了明晰句子逻辑，可以将play一句处理为分词状语表递进关系。这部分可以改译为：They pointed out that the purpose of holding this seminar is to conduct in-depth discussion on the restoration of original charm of Confucianism, and better playing of its important role in guiding the life in each area in today’s world.
学生译文最后一句将原文无主句“希望……”处理为it is expected，结构本是不错，但考虑到本段都在讲述与会人的致辞，而“希望”也是致辞人的希望，所以直接以they expect则更加明确。此外，“俄中友好事业”的“事业”一词不可随意删减，应补充the cause of bilateral friendship。因此，最后一句可以改译为They expected that this seminar could contribute its share to developing Russia-China people-to-people and cultural exchanges and the cause of bilateral friendship.