Lesson 10

Answers to the Questions

V. 1. D 2. C 3. D 4. A 5. C

VI.

1．Most difficult marital situations can be salvaged as long as both parties are willing. It takes commitment, but it can and does happen. So people should abide by the following disci-plines: cool off, fight fair, learn to listen, admit mistakes, recommit to your relationship, give love a chance and give yourself time.

2．Because divorcees often just carry their problemsfrom one re-lationship to another. Many who believed their ex-spouses were the source of their problems discovered they had the same problems with a new spouse.

3．When emotions are raw, it is helpful to have a therapist's objective point of view because, typically, each person just sees what the other person is doing, not how he or she is contributing to the problem.

4．No. No marriage is conflict-free. It's not the differences in a marriage that cause problems but how a couple handles the differences.

5．It's important to set a regular time not to discuss important issues. The couple should schedule playtime and go back to the way they were when they dated. They should build some new, positive memories.

Outline

I. Specific example of the Creals'family (Paragraphs 1-3)

(1) Appearance of a marital crisis

(2) Solution to the crisis

II. General situation of marriages (Paragraphs 4-5)

(1) Experts' view on the possibility of saving difficult mar-riages

(2) Findings about the problem with divorce

III. Advice on how to crisis-proof marriage (Paragraphs 7-25)

(1) Seeking therapy

a. Reasons for seeking therapy

b. Kinds of therapy

c. Forms of therapy

(2) Exchanging opinions calmly

a. Expressing opinions without saying hurtful things or dragging up past transgressions

b. Listening to the other side without interruption

c. Admitting one's own mistakes

(3) Recommitting to the marriage

a. Janis Abrahms'suggestion of recommitment to the mar-riage

b. Specific example of the method's success

(4) Setting regular time for enhancing love

a. Busy couples'need for intimacy and sharing

b. Example of a Washington, D.C. couple

c. Need for playtime

(5) Suggestion on how to handle a betrayal

a. Michele Weiner—Davis' warming against expectation of a quick forgiveness of a betrayal

b. Specific example of a Reno, Nev., man: working hard to regain the wife's trust and waiting patiently for her forgiveness