第4章 做自己想做的人(4)

Deaths， old age， are words without a meaning. That passes by us like the idea air which we regard not.Others may have undergone， or may still be liable to them—we "bear a charmed life"， which laughs to scorn all such sickly fancies.As in setting out on delightful journey， we strain our eager gaze forward—

Bidding the lovely scenes at distance hail！

年轻人不相信自己会死。这是我哥哥的话，可以算得一句妙语。青春有一种永生之感——它能弥补一切。人在青年时代好像一尊永生的神明。诚然，生命的一半已消逝，但蕴藏着无尽财富的另一半还有所保留，我们对它也抱着无穷的希望和幻想。未来的时代完全属于我们——

无限辽阔的远景在我们面前展现。

死亡，老年，不过是空话，毫无意义；我们听了，只当做耳边风，全不放在心上。这些事，别人也许经历过，或者可能要承受，但是我们自己，“在灵符护佑下度日”，对于诸如此类脆弱的念头，统统付之轻蔑的一笑。像是刚刚走上愉快的旅程，极目远眺——

向远方的美景欢呼！

And see no end to the landscape， new objects presenting themselves as we advance；so， in the commencement of life， we set no bounds to our inclinations. Nor to the unrestricted opportunities of gratifying them.We have as yet found no obstacle， no disposition to flag；and it seems that we can go on so forever.We look round in a new world， full of life， and mo-tion， and ceaseless progress；and feel in ourselves all the vigor and spirit to keep pace with it， and do not foresee from any present symptoms how we shall be left behind in the natural course of things， decline into old age， and drop into the grave.It is the simplicity， and as it were abstractedness of our feelings in youth that (so to speak) i dentifies us with nature and (our experience being slight and our passions strong) d eludes us into a belief of being immortal like it.Our short-lives connection with existence we fond-ly flatter ourselves is an indissoluble and lasting union—a honeymoon that knows neither coldness， jar， nor separation.As infants smile and sleep， we are rocked in the cradle of our wayward fancies， and lulled into security by the roar of the universe around us0we quaff the cup of life with eager haste without draining it， instead of which it only overflows the more-objects press around us， filling the mind with their magnitude and with the strong of desires that wait upon them， so that we have no room for the thoughts of death.

此时，但觉好风光应接不暇，而且，前程更有美不胜收的新鲜景致。在这生活的开端，我们听任自己的志趣驰骋，放手给它们一切满足的机会。到此为止，我们还没有碰到过什么障碍，也没有感觉到什么疲惫，因此觉得还可以一直这样向前走去，直到永远。我们看到四周一派新天地——生机盎然，变动不居，日新月异；我们觉得自己活力充盈，精神饱满，可与宇宙并驾齐驱。而且，眼前也无任何迹象可以证明，在大自然的发展过程中，我们自己也会落伍，衰老，进入坟墓。由于年轻人天真单纯，可以说是茫然无知，因而将自己跟大自然画上等号；并且，由于经验少而感情丰富，误以为自己也能和大自然一样永世长存。我们一相情愿，痴心妄想，竟把自己在世上的暂时栖身，当作千古不变、万事长存的结合，好像没有冷淡、争执、离别的蜜月。像婴儿带着微笑入睡，我们躺在用自己编织成的摇篮里，让大千世界的万籁之声催哄我们安然入梦；我们急切切、兴冲冲地畅饮生命之杯，怎么也不会饮完，反而好像永远满满欲溢；森罗万象纷至沓来，各种欲望随之而生，使我们腾不出工夫想死亡。

让昨日随风

Letting Go Of Yesterday

On Saturday， February 12 two thousand， two things happened that changed everything in my life. The first was that on this day my baby sis-ter was married.She was twenty-six this day， and yet to me she was still my baby sister.I suppose that I pictured her as a little girl， and treated her like one in order to hold onto and preserve my own youth.Until I saw her in her wedding dress I still had a vision of her with chubby little cheeks and long， dark-brown pigtails blowing in the wind， perhaps even a perma-nent smudge of chocolate around her pink lips.I guess it's true that you see only what you want to see.Where did this beautiful woman with the glowing complexion and gentle curves come from？

I was happy that day， and also sad. Gone were the days of me bossing her around and telling her what she should do with her life.My bossy be-havior had earned me the nickname Lucy.If you are a Peanuts fan then you can clearly imagine my behavior as an older sister.To me it wasn't an insult；I rather like the nickname Lucy.I happen to think that Lucy is strong and has incredible self-confidence， although she is a little overbear-ing at times.I did my best to live up to the standards set forth by this dy-namic cartoon character.

I left the reception to get some air because suddenly I was overcome with grief at the realization that I was no longer a child. I went outside and walked to a nearby playground where there were children playing on the slide， the swings and digging in the dirt.There was a little girl twirling around on a bar， one knee wrapped tightly around the bar and fashioned behind her knee.It was all I could do to sit there and just watch， for I too wanted to get on that bar with her and see if I could still hold the all-timetwirling record (ninety-nine times in fifth grade).Somewhere inside I knew that I would break my neck， and I was wearing a bridesmaid dress.Not exactly play ground material.And so I sat watching the children play.I'm not sure how long I sat there before my sister came and joined me.We talked about how we are grown up now and shed a few tears for our childhood days gone by.As she wiped a tear from my eye she lovingly said， "You'll always be Lucy to me." We hugged.

2000年2月12日，星期六，那天发生的两件事改变了我此后的生活。第一件是小妹妹那天结婚了。当时她已经26岁了，但对我来说，她还是我的小妹妹。我总是把她看做小女孩，也把她当一个小女孩来对待。我想这是因为我希望通过这种方式来永葆青春。直到看到她身着婚纱的那一刻，浮现在我脑海里的还是那个小圆脸蛋，长长的褐色马尾巴在风中摆动的小女孩；也许还有一块巧克力总是粘在她那粉红色的嘴唇上。我想人总是看见自己想看的东西。眼前这位容光焕发、线条优美的女人是谁呢？

那天我既高兴又伤心。过去我对她呼来唤去，告诉她生活应该怎样过的日子已经一去不回了。因为独断蛮横，我得到了“露西”这个外号。如果你也喜欢看《花生》这部动画片，那你一定可以想象我作为一个大姐姐的样子。我不觉得这个外号是一种侮辱，反倒很喜欢它。我有时还想，强大的露西自信得令人难以置信，虽然她有时也让人难以忍受。所以，我努力向这个生气勃勃的卡通形象看齐。

我离开了婚礼现场，到外面去呼吸些新鲜空气。我突然伤感不已，因为自己已经不再是个孩子了。我走到外面，来到附近的一个运动场边，小孩子正在那里玩滑梯、荡秋千、玩泥沙。有个小女孩正在一个杠上快速地转动，一条腿紧紧地钩在杠上。而我所能做的只是坐在那里看看，我也想跟她一起玩，看看能否再重现当年自己转圈的最高纪录（五年级时一次达到99次）。但我很清楚，这样我可能会扭断脖子。再说我正穿着伴娘服，不适合运动。于是我只好坐在那里看孩子们玩耍。不知过了多久，妹妹来到我身边。我们谈起自己已经长大了，并为逝去的孩童时光流下了泪。她替我擦干眼泪，充满爱意地说：“你永远都是我的露西。”我们拥抱在了一起。