第91章

Clifford,who couldn't sleep,gambled all night with Mrs Bolton,till she was too sleepy almost to live.

And the day came round for Hilda to arrive.Connie had arranged with Mellors that if everything promised well for their night together,she would hang a green shawl out of the window.If there were frustration,a red one.

Mrs Bolton helped Connie to pack.

'It will be so good for your Ladyship to have a change.'

'I think it will.You don't mind having Sir Clifford on your hands alone for a time,do you?'

'Oh no!I can manage him quite all right.I mean,I can do all he needs me to do.Don't you think he's better than he used to be?'

'Oh much!You do wonders with him.'

'Do I though!But men are all alike:just babies,and you have to flatter them and wheedle them and let them think they're having their own way.

Don't you find it so,my Lady?'

'I'm afraid I haven't much experience.'

Connie paused in her occupation.

'Even your husband,did you have to manage him,and wheedle him like a baby?'she asked,looking at the other woman.

Mrs Bolton paused too.

'Well!'she said.'I had to do a good bit of coaxing,with him too.

But he always knew what I was after,I must say that.But he generally gave in to me.'

'He was never the lord and master thing?'

'No!At least there'd be a look in his eyes sometimes,and then I knew I'd got to give in.But usually he gave in to me.No,he was never lord and master.But neither was I.I knew when I could go no further with him,and then I gave in:though it cost me a good bit,sometimes.'

'And what if you had held out against him?'

'Oh,I don't know,I never did.Even when he was in the wrong,if he was fixed,I gave in.You see,I never wanted to break what was between us.And if you really set your will against a man,that finishes it.If you care for a man,you have to give in to him once he's really determined;whether you're in the right or not,you have to give in.Else you break something.But I must say,Ted 'ud give in to me sometimes,when I was set on a thing,and in the wrong.So I suppose it cuts both ways.'

'And that's how you are with all your patients?'asked Connie.

'Oh,That's different.I don't care at all,in the same way.I know what's good for them,or I try to,and then I just contrive to manage them for their own good.It's not like anybody as you're really fond of.It's quite different.Once you've been really fond of a man,you can be affectionate to almost any man,if he needs you at all.But it's not the same thing.

You don't really care .I doubt,once you've really cared,if you can ever really care again.'

These words frightened Connie.

'Do you think one can only care once?'she asked.

'Or never.Most women never care,never begin to.They don't know what it means.Nor men either.But when I see a woman as cares,my heart stands still for her.'

'And do you think men easily take offence?'

'Yes!If you wound them on their pride.But aren't women the same?Only our two prides are a bit different.'

Connie pondered this.She began again to have some misgiving about her gag away.After all,was she not giving her man the go-by,if only for a short time?And he knew it.That's why he was so queer and sarcastic.

Still!the human existence is a good deal controlled by the machine of external circumstance.She was in the power of this machine.She couldn't extricate herself all in five minutes.She didn't even want to.

Hilda arrived in good time on Thursday morning,in a nimble two-seater car,with her suit-case strapped firmly behind.She looked as demure and maidenly as ever,but she had the same will of her own.She had the very hell of a will of her own,as her husband had found out.But the husband was now divorcing her.

Yes,she even made it easy for him to do that,though she had no lover.

For the time being,she was 'off'men.She was very well content to be quite her own mistress:and mistress of her two children,whom she was going to bring up 'properly',whatever that may mean.

Connie was only allowed a suit-case,also.But she had sent on a trunk to her father,who was going by train.No use taking a car to Venice.And Italy much too hot to motor in,in July.He was going comfortably by train.

He had just come down from Scotland.

So,like a demure arcadian field-marshal,Hilda arranged the material part of the journey.She and Connie sat in the upstairs room,chatting.

'But Hilda!'said Connie,a little frightened.'I want to stay near here tonight.Not here:near here!'

Hilda fixed her sister with grey,inscrutable eyes.She seemed so calm:

and she was so often furious.

'Where,near here?'she asked softly.

'Well,you know I love somebody,don't you?'

'I gathered there was something.'

'Well he lives near here,and I want to spend this last night with him must!I've promised.'

Connie became insistent.

Hilda bent her Minerva-like head in silence.Then she looked up.

'Do you want to tell me who he is?'she said.

'He's our game-keeper,'faltered Connie,and she flushed vividly,like a shamed child.

'Connie!'said Hilda,lifting her nose slightly with disgust:a she had from her mother.

'I know:but he's lovely really.He really understands tenderness,'

said Connie,trying to apologize for him.

Hilda,like a ruddy,rich-coloured Athena,bowed her head and pondered She was really violently angry.But she dared not show it,because Connie,taking after her father,would straight away become obstreperous and unmanageable.

It was true,Hilda did not like Clifford:his cool assurance that he was somebody!She thought he made use of Connie shamefully and impudently.

She had hoped her sister would leave him.But,being solid Scotch middle class,she loathed any 'lowering'of oneself or the family.She looked up at last.

'You'll regret it,'she said,'I shan't,'cried Connie,flushed red.'He's quite the exception.I really love him.He's lovely as a lover.'

Hilda still pondered.

'You'll get over him quite soon,'she said,'and live to be ashamed of yourself because of him.'

'I shan't!I hope I'm going to have a child of his.'

'Connie !'said Hilda,hard as a hammer-stroke,and pale with anger.