第32章

"I need not tell you that the same friends who had opposed my marriage now came forward to implore me to allow her to break our chains.I refused.I swear to you it was from no lingering love for her, for her presence drove me mad; it was from no instinct of revenge or jealousy, for I should have welcomed the man who would have taken her out of my life and memory.But I could not bear the idea of taking her first husband's place in her hideous comedy; Icould not purchase my freedom at that price--at any price.I was told that I could get a divorce against HER, and stand forth before the world untrammeled and unstained.But I could not stand before MYSELF in such an attitude.I knew that the shackles I had deliberately forged could not be loosened except by death.I knew that the stains of her would cling to me and become a part of my own sin, even as the sea I plunged into yesterday to escape her, though it has dried upon me, has left its bitter salt behind.

"When she knew my resolve, she took her revenge by dragging my name through the successive levels to which she descended.Under the plea that the hardly-earned sum I gave to her maintenance apart from me was not sufficient, she utilized her undoubted beauty and more doubtful talent in amateur entertainments--and, finally, on the stage.She was openly accompanied by her lover, who acted as her agent, in the hope of goading me to a divorce.Suddenly she disappeared.I thought she had forgotten me.I obtained an honorable position in New York.One night I entered a theater devoted to burlesque opera and the exhibition of a popular actress, known as the Western Thalia, whose beautiful and audaciously draped figure was the talk of the town.I recognized my wife in this star of nudity; more than that, she recognized me.The next day, in addition to the usual notice, the real name of the actress was given in the morning papers, with a sympathizing account of her romantic and unfortunate marriage.I renounced my position, and, taking advantage of an offer from an old friend in California, resolved to join him secretly there.My mother had died broken-hearted; I was alone in the world.But my wife discovered my intention; and when I reached Callao, I heard that she had followed me, by way of the Isthmus of Panama, and that probably she would anticipate me in Mazatlan, where we were to stop.The thought of suicide haunted me during the rest of that horrible voyage; only my belief that she would make it appear as a tacit confession of my guilt saved me from that last act of weakness."He stopped and shuddered.Padre Esteban again laid his hand softly upon him.

"It was God who spared you that sacrifice of soul and body," he said gently.

"I thought it was God that suggested to me to take the SIMULATIONof that act the means of separating myself from her forever.When we neared Mazatlan, I conceived the idea of hiding myself in the hold of the Excelsior until she had left that port, in the hope that it would be believed that I had fallen overboard.I succeeded in secreting myself, but was discovered at the same time that the unexpected change in the ship's destination rendered concealment unnecessary.As we did not put in at Mazatlan, nobody suspected my discovery in the hold to be anything but the accident that I gave it out to be.I felt myself saved the confrontation of the woman at Mazatlan; but I knew she would pursue me to San Francisco.

"The strange dispensation of Providence that brought us into this unknown port gave me another hope of escape and oblivion.While you and the Commander were boarding the Excelsior, I slipped from the cabin-window into the water; I was a good swimmer, and reached the shore in safety.I concealed myself in the ditch of the Presidio until I saw the passengers' boats returning with them, when I sought the safer shelter of this Mission.I made my way through a gap in the hedge and lay under your olive-trees, hearing the voices of my companions, beyond the walls, till past midnight.

I then groped my way along the avenue of pear-trees till I came to another wall, and a door that opened to my accidental touch.Ientered, and found myself here.You know the rest."He had spoken with the rapid and unpent fluency of a man who cared more to relieve himself of an oppressive burden than to impress his auditor; yet the restriction of a foreign tongue had checked repetition or verbosity.Without imagination he had been eloquent;without hopefulness he had been convincing.Father Esteban rose, holding both his hands.

"My son, in the sanctuary which you have claimed there is no divorce.The woman who has ruined your life could not be your wife.As long as her first husband lives, she is forever his wife, bound by a tie which no human law can sever!"