第39章 THE SECOND PART(10)

The Servant.--Lord,I desire not sufferings from Thee,neither will I give cause for such things;but I will give myself up wholly and entirely,according to the desire of my heart,to Thy eternal praise,whereas,before,I never could truly forsake and utterly forget myself.Lord,if Thou wert to permit me to become the most despised person the whole earth could produce,Lord,even this I would suffer for the sake of Thy praise.Lord,I yield myself up this day to Thy grace and mercy;nay,if I were to be accused of the foulest murder that ever any man committed,so that whoever say me should spit in my face,Lord,I would willingly bear it in praise of Thee,provided I only stood guiltless in Thy sight.But even if I were guilty,I would still endure it in praise of Thy blessed justice,which is a thousand times more precious to me than my own honour.For every term of reproach cast at me I would give Thee a particular praise,and with the good thief would say to Thee:Lord,I receive the due reward of my deeds,but what hast Thou done amiss?Lord,remember me,when Thou comest into Thy Kingdom!And should it be Thy will to take me now from hence,if it were for Thy praise,I would not look about me for a respite,but I would desire to be taken hence;and I would desire that,if it should have been my lot to have become as old even as Mathusaia,every year of the long period,and every week of the years,and every day of the weeks,and every hour of the days,and every minute of the hours,might praise Thee for me in such rapturous praise as never did any saint in the veritable bright reflection of the saints,and this as many times as the grains of dust are countless in the sunshine,and that they might fulfill this my good desire,as though I myself had all the time lived to fulfill it.Therefore,Lord,take me early or late to Thyself,for such is my heart's desire.Lord,I will say still more,that,if I had now to depart hence,and it were to Thy praise that I should burn fifty years in purgatory,I am ready to incline myself at Thy feet,and gladly accept it all to Thy eternal praise;blessed be the fire of purgatory in which Thy praise is fulfilled in me!Lord,Thou,and not myself,art what I here love and here seek.Lord,Thou comprehendest all things,Thou knowest all hearts,Thou knowest that these are my unshaken sentiments;nay,if I knew that I should have to lie for ever at the bottom of hell,however it might afflict my heart to be robbed of Thy ravishing vision,I yet would not cease from Thy praise;and could I retrieve the lost time of all men,reform their misdeeds,and by means of praise and honour,make full amends for all the dishonour that ever was shown Thee,I would willingly do it;and if it were indeed possible,then,from the lowest abyss of hell must needs burst forth from me a beautiful song of praise which would penetrate hell,the earth,air,and all the heavens,till it arrived before Thy divine countenance.But,if this were not possible,I would yet wish to praise Thee here all the more,that I might even here rejoice in Thee all the more.

Lord,do with Thy poor creature what is for Thy praise;for let what will happen to me,so long as there is any breath in my mouth I will utter Thy praise;and when I lose my utterance,I desire that the raising of my finger may be a confirmation and conclusion of all the praise I ever spoke;nay,when my body falls to dust,I desire that,from every grain of dust,an infinite praise may pierce through the hard stones,through all the heavens up to Thy divine presence,till the last day,when body and soul shall again unite in Thy praise.

Eternal Wisdom.--In this desire and good intention thou shouldst remain till death--such praise is pleasing to Me.

The Servant.--Ah,sweet Lord,since Thou deignest and desirest to receive praise from me,poor sinful person that I am,it is my desire that Thou wouldst show me three things,namely,how,wherewith,and at what time I ought to praise Thee.Tell me,dearest Lord,is the external praise which is given by words and singing,any way profitable?

Eternal Wisdom.--It is certainly profitable,and especially as it stirs up the interior man,which it very often stirs up,above all in the case of newly converted persons.

The Servant.--Lord,I also am filled with the desire (seeing that one should be glad to begin in time,what one will have to practice in eternity)to attain the diligent praising of Thee in my interior,and that I should not be interrupted in Thy praise at any time,even for the space of a second.Lord,out of this very desire I have often spoken as follows:"O,thou firmament why dost thou hasten and revolve so fast?I beseech thee,stand still in this moment,until I shall have thoroughly praised my Lord according to my heart's desire.Lord,when perchance I have been a little while neglectful of Thy present praise,and have shortly come to myself,I have interiorly cried out as follows:O Lord,it is a thousand years that I have thought no more of my Beloved!O Lord,teach me,then,as much as Thou canst,while my soul is yet in my body,how I may attain to praise Thee continually and without relaxation.