第26章 In the Attic(1)

The first night she spent in her attic was a thing Sara never forgot.

During its passing she lived through a wild,unchildlike woe of which she never spoke to anyone about her.There was no one who would have understood.It was,indeed,well for her that as she lay awake in the darkness her mind was forcibly distracted,now and then,by the strangeness of her surroundings.It was,perhaps,well for her that she was reminded by her small body of material things.

If this had not been so,the anguish of her young mind might have been too great for a child to bear.But,really,while the night was passing she scarcely knew that she had a body at all or remembered any other thing than one.

"My papa is dead!"she kept whispering to herself."My papa is dead!"

It was not until long afterward that she realized that her bed had been so hard that she turned over and over in it to find a place to rest,that the darkness seemed more intense than any she had ever known,and that the wind howled over the roof among the chimneys like something which wailed aloud.Then there was something worse.

This was certain scufflings and scratchings and squeakings in the walls and behind the skirting boards.She knew what they meant,because Becky had described them.They meant rats and mice who were either fighting with each other or playing together.

Once or twice she even heard sharp-toed feet scurrying across the floor,and she remembered in those after days,when she recalled things,that when first she heard them she started up in bed and sat trembling,and when she lay down again covered her head with the bedclothes.

The change in her life did not come about gradually,but was made all at once.

"She must begin as she is to go on,"Miss Minchin said to Miss Amelia.

"She must be taught at once what she is to expect."

Mariette had left the house the next morning.The glimpse Sara caught of her sitting room,as she passed its open door,showed her that everything had been changed.Her ornaments and luxuries had been removed,and a bed had been placed in a corner to transform it into a new pupil's bedroom.

When she went down to breakfast she saw that her seat at Miss Minchin's side was occupied by Lavinia,and Miss Minchin spoke to her coldly.

"You will begin your new duties,Sara,"she said,"by taking your seat with the younger children at a smaller table.You must keep them quiet,and see that they behave well and do not waste their food.

You ought to have been down earlier.Lottie has already upset her tea."

That was the beginning,and from day to day the duties given to her were added to.She taught the younger children French and heard their other lessons,and these were the least of her labors.

It was found that she could be made use of in numberless directions.

She could be sent on errands at any time and in all weathers.

She could be told to do things other people neglected.The cook and the housemaids took their tone from Miss Minchin,and rather enjoyed ordering about the "young one"who had been made so much fuss over for so long.They were not servants of the best class,and had neither good manners nor good tempers,and it was frequently convenient to have at hand someone on whom blame could be laid.

During the first month or two,Sara thought that her willingness to do things as well as she could,and her silence under reproof,might soften those who drove her so hard.In her proud little heart she wanted them to see that she was trying to earn her living and not accepting charity.But the time came when she saw that no one was softened at all;and the more willing she was to do as she was told,the more domineering and exacting careless housemaids became,and the more ready a scolding cook was to blame her.

If she had been older,Miss Minchin would have given her the bigger girls to teach and saved money by dismissing an instructress;but while she remained and looked like a child,she could be made more useful as a sort of little superior errand girl and maid of all work.

An ordinary errand boy would not have been so clever and reliable.

Sara could be trusted with difficult commissions and complicated messages.

She could even go and pay bills,and she combined with this the ability to dust a room well and to set things in order.

Her own lessons became things of the past.She was taught nothing,and only after long and busy days spent in running here and there at everybody's orders was she grudgingly allowed to go into the deserted schoolroom,with a pile of old books,and study alone at night.

"If I do not remind myself of the things I have learned,perhaps I may forget them,"she said to herself."I am almost a scullery maid,and if I am a scullery maid who knows nothing,I shall be like poor Becky.I wonder if I could QUITE forget and begin to drop my H'S and not remember that Henry the Eighth had six wives."

One of the most curious things in her new existence was her changed position among the pupils.Instead of being a sort of small royal personage among them,she no longer seemed to be one of their number at all.She was kept so constantly at work that she scarcely ever had an opportunity of speaking to any of them,and she could not avoid seeing that Miss Minchin preferred that she should live a life apart from that of the occupants of the schoolroom.

"I will not have her forming intimacies and talking to the other children,"that lady said."Girls like a grievance,and if she begins to tell romantic stories about herself,she will become an ill-used heroine,and parents will be given a wrong impression.It is better that she should live a separate life--one suited to her circumstances.I am giving her a home,and that is more than she has any right to expect from me."