第81章

Tess had gone back to the inner parlour, and sat down by the fire, looking wistfully into it.She heard Jonathan Kail's heavy footsteps up and down the stairs till he had done placing the luggage, and heard him express his thanks for the ale her husband took out to him, and for the gratuity he received.Jonathan's footsteps then died from the door, and his cart creaked away.

Angel slid forward the massive oak bar which secured the door, and coming in to where she sat over the hearth, pressed her cheeks between his hands from behind.He expected her to jump up gaily and unpack the toilet-gear that she had been so anxious about, but as she did not rise he sat down with her in the firelight, the candles on the supper-table being too thin and glimmering to interfere with its glow.

`I am so sorry you should have heard this sad story about the girls,'

he said.`Still, don't let it depress you.Retty was naturally morbid, you know.'

`Without the least cause,' said Tess.`While they who have cause to be, hide it, and pretend they are not.'

This incident had turned the scale for her.They were simple and innocent girls on whom the unhappiness of unrequited love had fallen; they had deserved better at the hands of Fate.She had deserved worse - yet she was the chosen one.It was wicked of her to take all without paying.She would pay to the uttermost farthing; she would tell, there and then.This final determination she came to when she looked into the fire, he holding her hand.

A steady glare from the now flameless embers painted the sides and back of the fireplace with its colour, and the well-polished andirons, and the old brass tongs that would not meet.The underside of the mantel-shelf was flushed with the high-coloured light, and the legs of the table nearest the fire.Tess's face and neck reflected the same warmth, which each gem turned into an Aldebaran or a Sirius - a constellation of white, red, and green flashes, that interchanged their hues with her every pulsation.

`Do you remember what we said to each other this morning about telling our faults?' he asked abruptly, finding that she still remained immovable.

`We spoke lightly perhaps, and you may well have done so.But for me it was no light promise.I want to make a confession to you, Love.'

This, from him, so unexpectedly apposite, had the effect upon her of a Providential interposition.

`You have to confess something?' she said quickly, and even with gladness and relief.

`You did not expect it? Ah - you thought too highly of me.Now listen.

Put your head there, because I want you to forgive me, and not to be indignant with me for not telling you before, as perhaps I ought to have done.'

How strange it was! He seemed to be her double.She did not speak, and Clare went on--`I did not mention it because I was afraid of endangering my chance of you, darling, the great prize of my life - my Fellowship I call you.

My brother's Fellowship was won at his college, mine at Talbothays Dairy.

Well, I would not risk it.I was going to tell you a month ago - at the time you agreed to be mine, but I could not; I thought it might frighten you away from me.I put it off; then I thought I would tell you yesterday, to give you a chance at least of escaping me.But I did not.And I did not this morning, when you proposed our confessing our faults on the landing - the sinner that I was! But I must, now I see you sitting there so solemnly.

I wonder if you will forgive me?'

`O yes! I am sure that--'

`Well, I hope so.But wait a minute.You don't know.To begin at the beginning.Though I imagine my poor father fears that I am one of the eternally lost for my doctrines, I am of course, a believer in good morals, Tess, as much as you.I used to wish to be a teacher of men, and it was a great disappointment to me when I found I could not enter the Church.I admired spotlessness, even though I could lay no claim to it, and hated impurity, as I hope I do now.Whatever one may think of plenary inspiration, one must heartily subscribe to these words of Paul: "Be thou an example - in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity." It is the only safeguard for us poor human beings."Integer vitae", says a Roman poet, who is strange company for St Paul--The man of upright life, from frailties free, Stands not in need of Moorish spear or bow.Well, a certain place is paved with good intentions, and having felt all that so strongly, you will see what a terrible remorse it bred in me when, in the midst of my fine aims for other people, I myself fell.'

He then told her of that time of his life to which allusion has been made when, tossed about by doubts and difficulties in London, like a cork on the waves, he plunged into eight-and-forty hours' dissipation with a stranger.

`Happily I awoke almost immediately to a sense of my folly,' he continued.

`I would have no more to say to her, and I came home.I have never repeated the offence.But I felt I should like to treat you with perfect frankness and honour, and I could not do so without telling this.Do you forgive me?'

She pressed his hand tightly for an answer.

`Then we will dismiss it at once and for ever! - too painful as it is for the occasion - and talk of something lighter.'

`O, Angel - I am almost glad - because now you can forgive me! I have not made my confession.I have a confession, too - remember, I said so.'

`Ah, to be sure! Now then for it, wicked little one.'

`Perhaps, although you smile, it is as serious as yours, or more so.'

`It can hardly be more serious, dearest.'

`It cannot - O no, it cannot!' She jumped up joyfully at the hope.`No, it cannot be more serious, certainly,' she cried, `because 'tis just the same! I will tell you now.'

She sat down again.