第65章
At last she got away, and did not stop in her retreat till she was in the thicket of pollard willows at the lower side of the barton, where she could be quite unseen.Here Tess flung herself down upon the rustling undergrowth of spear-grass, as upon a bed, and remained crouching in palpitating misery broken by momentary shoots of joy, which her fears about the ending could not altogether suppress.
In reality, she was drifting into acquiescence.Every see-saw of her breath, every wave of her blood, every pulse singing in her ears, was a voice that joined with nature in revolt against her scrupulousness.Reckless, inconsiderate acceptance of him; to close with him at the altar, revealing nothing, and chancing discovery; to snatch ripe pleasure before the iron teeth of pain could have time to shut upon her: that was what love counselled;and in almost a terror of ecstasy Tess divined that, despite her many months of lonely self-chastisement, wrestlings, communings, schemes to lead a future of austere isolation, love's counsel would prevail.
The afternoon advanced, and still she remained among the willows.She heard the rattle of taking down the palls from the forked stands; the `waow-waow!'
which accompanied the getting together of the cows.But she did not go to the milking.They would see her agitation; and the dairyman, thinking the cause to be love alone, would good-naturedly tease her; and that harassment could not be borne.
Her lover must have guessed her overwrought state, and invented some excuse for her non-appearance, for no inquiries were made or calls given.
At half-past six the sun settled down upon the levels, with the aspect of a great forge in the heavens, and presently a monstrous pumpkin-like moon arose on the other hand.The pollard willows, tortured out of their natural shape by incessant choppings, became spiny-haired monsters as they stood up against it.She went in, and upstairs without a light.
It was now Wednesday.Thursday came, and Angel looked thoughtfully at her from a distance, but intruded in no way upon her.The indoor milkmaids, Marian and the rest, seemed to guess that something definite was afoot, for they did not force any remarks upon her in the bedchamber.Friday passed;Saturday.To-morrow was the day.
`I shall give way - I shall say yes - I shall let myself marry him -I cannot help it!' she jealously panted, with her hot face to the pillow that night, on hearing one of the other girls sigh his name in her sleep.
`I can't bear to let anybody have him but me! Yet it is a wrong to him, and may kill him when he knows! O my heart - O - O!'
Chapter 29 `Now, who mid ye think I've heard news o' this morning?' said Dairyman Crick, as he sat down to breakfast next day, with a riddling gaze round upon the munching men and maids.`Now, just who mid ye think?'
One guessed, and another guessed.Mrs Crick did not guess, because she knew already.
`Well,' said the dairyman, `'tis that slack-twisted 'hore's-bird of a feller, Jack Dollop.He's lately got married to a widow-woman.'
`Not Jack Dollop? A villain - to think o' that!' said a milker.
The name entered quickly into Tess Durbeyfield's consciousness, for it was the name of the lover who had wronged his sweetheart, and had afterwards been so roughly used by the young woman's mother in the butter-churn.
`And has he married the valiant matron's daughter, as he promised?'
asked Angel Clare absently, as he turned over the newspaper he was reading at the little table to which he was always banished by Mrs Crick, in her sense of his gentility.
`Not he, sir.Never meant to,' replied the dairyman.`As I say, 'tis a widow-woman, and she had money, it seems - fifty poun' a year or so;and that was all he was after.They were married in a great hurry; and then she told him that by marrying she had lost her fifty poun' a year.
Just fancy the state o' my gentleman's mind at that news! Never such a cat-and-dog life as they've been leading ever since! Serves him well beright.
But onluckily the poor woman gets the worst o't.'
`Well, the silly body should have told en sooner that the ghost of her first man would trouble him,' said Mrs Crick.
`Ay; ay,' responded the dairyman indecisively.`Still, you can see exactly how 'twas.She wanted a home, and didn't like to run the risk of losing him.Don't ye think that was something like it, maidens?'
He glanced towards the row of girls.
`She ought to ha' told him just before they went to church, when he could hardly have backed out,' exclaimed Marian.
`Yes, she ought,' agreed Izz.
`She must have seen what he was after, and should ha' refused him,'
cried Retty spasmodically.
`And what do you say, my dear?' asked the dairyman of Tess.
`I think she ought - to have told him the true state of things - or else refused him - I don't know,' replied Tess, the bread-and-butter choking her.
`Be cust if I'd have done either o't,' said Beck Knibbs, a married helper from one of the cottages.`All's fair in love and war.I'd ha' married en 'ust as she did, and if he'd said two words to me about not telling him beforehand anything whatsomdever about my first chap that I hadn't chose to tell, I'd ha' knocked him down wi' the rolling-pin - a scram little feller like he! Any woman could do it.'
The laughter which followed this sally was supplemented only by a sorry smile, for form's sake, from Tess.What was comedy to them was tragedy to her; and she could hardly bear their mirth.She soon rose from table, and, with an impression that Clare would follow her, went along a little wriggling path, now stepping to one side of the irrigating channels, and now to the other, till she stood by the main stream of the Var.Men had been cutting the water-weeds higher up the river, and masses of them were floating past her - moving islands of green crowfoot, whereon she might almost have ridden; long locks of which weed had lodged against the piles driven to keep the cows from crossing.