第5章

You are quite different,you know,in everything from us in the south;more phlegmatic,but then so much steadier.The men and the houses are all the same."I can hardly tell why,but even this wounded me.It seemed to me as though she were inclined to put into one and the same category things English,dull,useful,and solid;and that she was disposed to show a sufficient appreciation for such necessaries of life,though she herself had another and inner sense--a sense keenly alive to the poetry of her own southern chime;and that I,as being English,was to have no participation in this latter charm.An English husband might do very well,the interests of the firm might make such an arrangement desirable,such a mariage de convenance--so I argued to myself--might be quite compatible with--with heaven only knows what delights of superterrestial romance,from which I,as being an English thick-headed lump of useful coarse mortality,was to be altogether debarred.She had spoken to me of oranges,and having finished the survey of the house,she offered me some sweet little cakes.It could not be that of such things were the thoughts which lay undivulged beneath the clear waters of those deep black eyes--undivulged to me,though no one else could have so good a right to read those thoughts!It could not be that that noble brow gave index of a mind intent on the trade of which she spoke so often!Words of other sort than any that had been vouchsafed to me must fall at times from the rich curves of that perfect month.

So felt I then,pining for something to make me unhappy.Ah,me!Iknow all about it now,and am content.But I wish that some learned pundit would give us a good definition of romance,would describe in words that feeling with which our hearts are so pestered when we are young,which makes us sigh for we know not what,and forbids us to be contented with what God sends us.We invest female beauty with impossible attributes,and are angry because our women have not the spiritualised souls of angels,anxious as we are that they should also be human in the flesh.A man looks at her he would love as at a distant landscape in a mountainous land.The peaks are glorious with more than the beauty of earth and rock and vegetation.He dreams of some mysterious grandeur of design which tempts him on under the hot sun,and over the sharp rock,till he has reached the mountain goal which he had set before him.But when there,he finds that the beauty is well-nigh gone,and as for that delicious mystery on which his soul had fed,it has vanished for ever.

I know all about it now,and am,as I said,content.Beneath those deep black eyes there lay a well of love,good,honest,homely love,love of father and husband and children that were to come--of that love which loves to see the loved ones prospering in honesty.That noble brow--for it is noble;I am unchanged in that opinion,and will go unchanged to my grave--covers thoughts as to the welfare of many,and an intellect fitted to the management of a household,of servants,namely,and children,and perchance a husband.That mouth can speak words of wisdom,of very useful wisdom--though of poetry it has latterly uttered little that was original.Poetry and romance!

They are splendid mountain views seen in the distance.So let men be content to see them,and not attempt to tread upon the fallacious heather of the mystic hills.

In the first week of my sojourn in Seville I spoke no word of overt love to Maria,thinking,as I confess,to induce her thereby to alter her mode of conduct to myself."She knows that I have come here to make love to her--to repeat my offer;and she will at any rate be chagrined if I am slow to do so."But it had no effect.At home my mother was rather particular about her table,and Maria's greatest efforts seemed to be used in giving me as nice dinners as we gave her.In those days I did not care a straw about my dinner,and so Itook an opportunity of telling her."Dear me,"said she,looking at me almost with grief,"do you not?What a pity!And do you not like music either.""Oh,yes,I adore it,"I replied.I felt sure at the time that had I been born in her own sunny clime,she would never have talked to me about eating.But that was my mistake.

I used to walk out with her about the city,seeing all that is there of beauty and magnificence.And in what city is there more that is worth the seeing?At first this was very delightful to me,for Ifelt that I was blessed with a privilege that would not be granted to any other man.But its value soon fell in my eyes,for others would accost her,and walk on the other side,talking to her in Spanish,as though I hardly existed,or were a servant there for her protection.

And I was not allowed to take her arm,and thus to appropriate her,as I should have done in England."No,John,"she said,with the sweetest,prettiest smile,"we don't do that here;only when people are married."And she made this allusion to married life out,openly,with no slightest tremor on her tongue.

"Oh,I beg pardon,"said I,drawing back my hand,and feeling angry with myself for not being fully acquainted with all the customs of a foreign country.

"You need not beg pardon,"said she;"when we were in England we always walked so.It is just a custom,you know."And then I saw her drop her large dark eyes to the ground,and bow gracefully in answer to some salute.