第43章

"I had a reason of my own for going," Julian said at last.

"Yes?" rejoined Lady Janet, prepared to wait (if necessary) till the next morning.

"A reason," Julian resumed, "which I would rather not mention.""Oh!" said Lady Janet."Another mystery--eh? And another woman at the bottom of it, no doubt.Thank you--that will do--I am suffi ciently answered.No wonder, as a clergyman, that you look a little confused.There is, perhaps, a certain grace, under the circumstances, in looking confused.We will change the subject again.You stay here, of course, now you have come back?"Once more the famous pulpit orator seemed to find himself in the inconceivable predicament of not knowing what to say.Once more Lady Janet looked resigned to wait (if necessary) until the middle of next week.

Julian took refuge in an answer worthy of the most commonplace man on the face of the civilized earth.

"I beg your ladyship to accept my thanks and my excuses," he said.

Lady Janet's many-ringed fingers, mechanically stroking the cat in her lap, began to stroke him the wrong way.

Lady Janet's inexhaustible patience showed signs of failing her at last.

"Mighty civil, I am sure," she said."Make it complete.Say, Mr.Julian Gray presents his compliments to Lady Janet Roy, and regrets that a previous engagement-- Julian!" exclaimed the old lady, suddenly pushing the cat off her lap, and flinging her last pretense of good temper to the winds--"Julian, I am not to be trifled with! There is but one explanation of your conduct--you are evidently avoiding my house.Is there somebody you dislike in it? Is it me?"Julian intimated by a gesture that his aunt's last question was absurd.(The much-injured cat elevated his back, waved his tail slowly, walked to the fireplace, and honored the rug by taking a seat on it.)Lady Janet persisted."Is it Grace Roseberry?" she asked next.

Even Julian's patience began to show signs of yielding.His manner assumed a sudden decision, his voice rose a tone louder.

"You insist on knowing?" he said."It is Miss Roseberry.""You don't like her?" cried Lady Janet, with a sudden burst of angry surprise.

Julian broke out, on his side: "If I see any more of her," he answered, the rare color mounting passionately in his cheeks, "I shall be the unhappiest man living.If I see any more of her, I shall be false to my old friend, who is to marry her.Keep us apart.If you have any regard for my peace of mind, keep us apart."Unutterable amazement expressed itself in his aunt's lifted hands.Ungovernable curiosity uttered itself in his aunt's next words.

"You don't mean to tell me you are in love with Grace?"Julian sprung restlessly to his feet, and disturbed the cat at the fireplace.(The cat left the room.)"I don't know what to tell you," he said; "I can't realize it to myself.No other woman has ever roused the feeling in me which this woman seems to have called to life in an instant.In the hope of forgetting her I broke my engage ment here; I purposely seized the opportunity of making those inquiries abroad.Quite useless.I think of her, morning, noon, and night.I see her and hear her, at this moment, as plainly as I see and hear you.She has made her self a part of my self.I don't understand my life without her.My power of will seems to be gone.I said to myself this morning, 'I will write to my aunt; I won't go back to Mablethorpe House.' Here I am in Mablethorpe House, with a mean subterfuge to justify me to my own conscience.'I owe it to my aunt to call on my aunt.' That is what I said to myself on the way here; and I was secretly hoping every step of the way that she would come into the room when I got here.I am hoping it now.And she is engaged to Horace Holmcroft--to my oldest friend, to my best friend! Am I an infernal rascal? or am I a weak fool? God knows--I don't.Keep my secret, aunt.I am heartily ashamed of myself; I used to think I was made of better stuff than this.Don't say a word to Horace.I must, and will, conquer it.Let me go."He snatched up his hat.Lady Janet, rising with the activity of a young woman, pursued him across the room, and stopped him at the door.