第7章

When people have understood you very adequately for ten years you do not expect them to boggle at any problem you may present at the end of the decade.I thought Dacres was moved by a fine sense of compassion.I thought that with his admirable perception he had put a finger on the little comedy of fruitfulness in my life that laughed so bitterly at the tragedy of the barren woman, and was attempting, by delicate manipulation, to make it easier.I really thought so.Then I observed that myself had preposterously deceived me, that it wasn't like that at all.When Mr.Tottenham joined us, Cecily and me, I saw that he listened more than he talked, with an ear specially cocked to register any small irony which might appear in my remarks to my daughter.Naturally he registered more than there were, to make up perhaps for dear Cecily's obviously not registering any.I could see, too, that he was suspicious of any flavour of kindness; finally, to avoid the strictures of his upper lip, which really, dear fellow, began to bore me, I talked exclusively about the distant sails and the Red Sea littoral.When he no longer joined us as we sat or walked together, I perceived that his hostility was fixed and his parti pris.He was brimful of compassion, but it was all for Cecily, none for the situation or for me.(She would have marvelled, placidly, why he pitied her.I am glad I can say that.) The primitive man in him rose up as Pope of nature and excommunicated me as a creature recusant to her functions.Then deliberately Dacres undertook an office of consolation; and I fell to wondering, while Mrs.Morgan spoke her convictions plainly out, how far an impulse of reparation for a misfortune with which he had nothing to do might carry a man.

I began to watch the affair with an interest which even to me seemed queer.It was not detached, but it was semi-detached, and, of course, on the side for which I seem, in this history, to be perpetually apologizing.With certain limitations it didn't matter an atom whom Cecily married.So that he was sound and decent, with reasonable prospects, her simple requirements and ours for her would be quite met.There was the ghost of a consolation in that; one needn't be anxious or exacting.

I could predict with a certain amount of confidence that in her first season she would probably receive three or four proposals, any one of which she might accept with as much propriety and satisfaction as any other one.For Cecily it was so simple;prearranged by nature like her digestion, one could not see any logical basis for difficulties.A nice upstanding sapper, a dashing Bengal Lancer--oh, I could think of half a dozen types that would answer excellently.She was the kind of young person, and that was the summing up of it, to marry a type and be typically happy.Ihoped and expected that she would.But Dacres!

Dacres should exercise the greatest possible discretion.He was not a person who could throw the dice indifferently with fate.He could respond to so much, and he would inevitably, sooner or later, demand so much response! He was governed by a preposterously exacting temperament, and he wore his nerves outside.And what vision he had! How he explored the world he lived in and drew out of it all there was, all there was! I could see him in the years to come ranging alone the fields that were sweet and the horizons that lifted for him, and ever returning to pace the common dusty mortal road by the side of a purblind wife.On general principles, as a case to point at, it would be a conspicuous pity.Nor would it lack the aspect of a particular, a personal misfortune.Dacres was occupied in quite the natural normal degree with his charming self;he would pass his misery on, and who would deserve to escape it less than his mother-in-law?

I listened to Emily Morgan, who gleaned in the ship more information about Dacres Tottenham's people, pay, and prospects than I had ever acquired, and I kept an eye upon the pair which was, I flattered myself, quite maternal.I watched them without acute anxiety, deploring the threatening destiny, but hardly nearer to it than one is in the stalls to the stage.My moments of real concern for Dacres were mingled more with anger than with sorrow--it seemed inexcusable that he, with his infallible divining-rod for temperament, should be on the point of making such an ass of himself.Though I talk of the stage there was nothing at all dramatic to reward my attention, mine and Emily Morgan's.To my imagination, excited by its idea of what Dacres Tottenham's courtship ought to be, the attentions he paid to Cecily were most humdrum.He threw rings into buckets with her--she was good at that--and quoits upon the 'bull' board; he found her chair after the decks were swabbed in the morning and established her in it; he paced the deck with her at convenient times and seasons.They were humdrum, but they were constant and cumulative.Cecily took them with an even breath that perfectly matched.There was hardly anything, on her part, to note--a little discreet observation of his comings and goings, eyes scarcely lifted from her book, and later just a hint of proprietorship, as the evening she came up to me on deck, our first night in the Indian Ocean.I was lying in my long chair looking at the thick, low stars and thinking it was a long time since I had seen John.

'Dearest mamma, out here and nothing over your shoulders! You AREimprudent.Where is your wrap? Mr.Tottenham, will you please fetch mamma's wrap for her?'

'If mamma so instructs me,' he said audaciously.

'Do as Cecily tells you,' I laughed, and he went and did it, while Iby the light of a quartermaster's lantern distinctly saw my daughter blush.

Another time, when Cecily came down to undress, she bent over me as I lay in the lower berth with unusual solicitude.I had been dozing, and I jumped.

'What is it, child?' I said.'Is the ship on fire?'

'No, mamma, the ship is not on fire.There is nothing wrong.I'm so sorry I startled you.But Mr.Tottenham has been telling me all about what you did for the soldiers the time plague broke out in the lines at Mian-Mir.I think it was splendid, mamma, and so does he.'

'Oh, Lord!' I groaned.'Good night.'