第186章

"Betsy Martin, widow, one child, and one eye.Goes out charing and washing, by the day; never had more than one eye, but knows her mother drank bottled stout, and shouldn't wonder if that caused it (immense cheering).Thinks it not impossible that if she had always abstained from spirits, she might have had two eyes by this time (tremendous applause).Used, at every place she went to, to have eighteen pence a day, a pint of porter, and a glass of spirits; but since she became a member of the Brick Lane Branch, has always demanded three and sixpence instead (the announcement of this most interesting fact was received with deafening enthusiasm).

"Henry Beller was for many years toast-master at various corporation dinners, during which time he drank a great deal of foreign wine; may sometimes have carried a bottle or two home with him; is not quite certain of that, but is sure if he did, that he drank the contents.Feels very low and melancholy, is very feverish, and has a constant thirst upon him; thinks it must be the wine he used to drink (cheers).Is out of employ now: and never touches a drop of foreign wine by any chance (tremendous plaudits).

"Thomas Burton is purveyor of cat's meat to the Lord Mayor and Sheriffs, and several members of the Common Council (the announcement of this gentleman's name was received with breathless interest).Has a wooden leg; finds a wooden leg expensive, going over the stones; used to wear second-hand wooden legs, and drink a glass of hot gin and water regularly every night--sometimes two (deep sighs).Found the second-hand wooden legs split and rot very quickly; is firmly persuaded that their constitution was undermined by the gin and water (prolonged cheering).Buys new wooden legs now, and drinks nothing but water and weak tea.The new legs last twice as long as the others used to do, and he attributes this solely to his temperate habits (triumphant cheers)."Anthony Humm now moved that the assembly do regale itself with a song.

With a view to their rational and moral enjoyment, Brother Mordlin had adapted the beautiful words of "Who hasn't heard of a Jolly Young Waterman?"to the tune of the Old Hundredth, which he would request them to join him in singing (great applause).He might take that opportunity of expressing his firm persuasion that the late Mr.Dibdin, seeing the errors of his former life, had written that song to show the advantages of abstinence.

It was a temperance song (whirlwinds of cheers).The neatness of the young man's attire, the dexterity of his feathering, the enviable state of mind which enabled him in the beautiful words of the poet, to "Row along, thinking of nothing at all," all combined to prove that he must have been a water-drinker (cheers).Oh, what a state of virtuous jollity! (rapturous cheering).And what was the young man's reward? Let all young men present mark this: "The maidens all flock'd to his boat so readily." (Loud cheers, in which the ladies joined.) What a bright example! The sisterhood, the maidens, flocking round the young waterman, and urging him along the stream of duty and of temperance.But, was it the maidens of humble life only, who soothed, consoled, and supported him? No! "He was always first oars with the fine city ladies." (Immense cheering.) The soft sex to a man--he begged pardon, to a female--rallied round the young waterman, and turned with disgust from the drinker of spirits (cheers).The Brick Lane Branch brothers were watermen (cheers and laughter).

That room was their boat; that audience were the maidens; and he (Mr.Anthony Humm), however unworthily, was "first oars" (unbounded applause).

"Wot does he mean by the soft sex, Sammy?" inquired Mr.Weller, in a whisper.

"The womin," said Sam, in the same tone.

"He ain't far out there, Sammy," replied Mr.Weller; "they must be a soft sex,--a wery soft sex, indeed--if they let themselves be gammoned by such fellers as him."Any further observations from the indignant old gentleman were cut short by the announcement of the song, which Mr.Anthony Humm gave out, two lines at a time, for the information of such of his hearers as were unacquainted with the legend.While it was being sung, the little man with the drab shorts disappeared; he returned immediately on its conclusion, and whispered Mr.Anthony Humm, with a face of the deepest importance.