第34章

'Then I can put your mind at ease, at once, my dear friend, by assuring you that I shall think of him no more.That I have thought of him, I do not deny--I have thought, that if, notwithstanding the difference in our ages, and other differences, he had preferred me, I should have preferred him to any person who has ever yet addressed me.On our first acquaintance, I clearly saw that he was not disposed to pay court to my fortune; and I had also then coolness of judgment sufficient to perceive that it was not probable he should fall in love with my person.But I was too proud in my humility, too strong in my honesty, too brave, too ignorant; in short, I knew nothing of the matter.We are all of us, more or less, subject to the delusions of vanity, or hope, or love--I--even I!--who thought myself so clear-sighted, did not know how, with one flutter of his wings, Cupid can set the whole atmosphere in motion; change the proportions, size, colour, value, of every object; lead us into a mirage, and leave us in a dismal desert.'

'My dearest friend!' said Miss Nugent, in a tone of true sympathy.

'But none but a coward, or a fool would sit down in the desert and weep, instead of trying to make his way back before the storm rises, obliterates the track, and overwhelms everything.Poetry apart, my dear Grace, you may be assured that I shall think no more of Lord Colambre.'

'I believe you are right.But I am sorry, very sorry, it must be so.'

'Oh, spare me your sorrow!'

'My sorrow is for Lord Colambre,' said Miss Nugent.'Where will he find such a wife?--Not in Miss Berryl, I am sure--pretty as she is; a mere fine lady! Is it possible that Lord Colambre!

Lord Colambre! should prefer such a girl--Lord Colambre!'

Miss Broadhurst looked at her friend as she spoke, and saw truth in her eyes; saw that she had no suspicion that she was herself the person beloved.

'Tell me, Grace, are you sorry that Lord Colambre is going away?'

'No, I am glad.I was sorry when I first heard it; but now I am glad, very glad; it may save him from a marriage unworthy of him, restore him to himself, and reserve him for--the only woman Iever saw who is suited to him, who is equal to him, who would value and love him, as he deserves to be valued and loved.'

'Stop, my dear; if you mean me, I am not, and I never can be, that woman.Therefore, as you are my friend, and wish my happiness, as I sincerely believe you do, never, I conjure you, present such an idea before my mind again--it is out of my mind, I hope, for ever.It is important to me that you should know and believe this.At least I will preserve my friends.Now let this subject never be mentioned or alluded to again between us, my dear.We have subjects enough of conversation; we need not have recourse to pernicious sentimental gossipings.There is a great difference between wanting a CONFIDANTE, and treating a friend with confidence.My confidence you possess; all that ought, all that is to be known of my mind, you know, and--Now I will leave you in peace to dress for the concert.'

'Oh, don't go! you don't interrupt me.I shall be dressed in a few minutes; stay with me, and you may be assured, that neither now, nor at any other time, shall I ever speak to you on the subject you desire me to avoid.I entirely agree with you about CONFIDANTES and sentimental gossipings.I love you for not loving them.'

A thundering knock at the door announced the arrival of company.

'Think no more of love, but as much as you please of friendship --dress yourself as fast as you can,' said Miss Broadhurst.

'Dress, dress is the order of the day.'

Order of the day and order of the night, and all for people Idon't care for in the least,' said Grace.'So life passes!'

'Dear me, Miss Nugent,' cried Petito, Lady Clonbrony's woman, coming in with a face of alarm, 'not dressed yet! My lady is gone down, and Mrs.Broadhurst and my Lady Pococke's come, and the Honourable Mrs.Trembleham; and signor, the Italian singing gentleman, has been walking up and down the apartments there by himself, disconsolate, this half-hour, and I wondering all the time nobody rang for me--but my lady dressed, Lord knows how!