第29章

ends for myself or my friends ever since I come to man's estate --to years of discretion, I should say, for the deuce a foot of estate have I! But use has sharpened my wits pretty well for your service; so never be in dread, my good lord for look ye!'

cried the reckless knight, sticking his arms akimbo 'look ye here! in Sir Terence O'Fay stands a host that desires no better than to encounter, single witted, all the duns in the united kingdoms, Mordicai the Jew inclusive.'

'Ah! that's the devil, that Mordicai,' said Lord Clonbrony;'that's the only man an earth I dread.'

'Why, he is only a coachmaker, is not he!' said Lady Clonbrony:

'I can't think how you can talk, my lord, of dreading such a low man.Tell him, if he's troublesome, we won't bespeak any more carriages; and, I'm sure, I wish you would not be so silly, my lord, to employ him any more, when you know he disappointed me the last birthday about the landau, which I have not got yet.'

'Nonsense, my dear,'said Lord Clonbrony; 'you don't know what you are talking of.Terry, I say, even a friendly execution is an ugly thing.'

'Phoo! phoo!--an ugly thing! So is a fit of the gout--but one's all the better for it after.'Tis just a renewal of life, my lord, for which one must pay a bit of a fine, you know.Take patience, and leave me to manage all properly--you know I'm used to these things, Only you recollect, if you please, how I managed my friend Lord --; it's bad to be mentioning names--but Lord EVERYBODY-KNOWS-WHO--didn't I bring him through cleverly, when there was that rascally attempt to seize the family plate? I had notice, and what did I do, but broke open a partition between that lord's house and my lodgings, which I had taken next door;and so, when the sheriff's officers were searching below on the ground floor, I just shoved the plate easy through to my bedchamber at a moment's warning, and then bid the gentlemen walk in, for they couldn't set a foot in my paradise, the devils! So they stood looking at it through the wall, and cursing me and Iholding both my sides with laughter at their fallen faces.'

Sir Terence and Lord Clonbrony laughed in concert.

'This is a good story,' said Miss Nugent, smiling; 'but surely, Sir Terence, such things are never done in real life?'

'Done! ay, are they; and I could tell you a hundred better strokes, my dear Miss Nugent.'

'Grace!' cried Lady Clonbrony, 'do pray have the goodness to seal and send these notes; for really,' whispered she, as her niece came to the table,'I CAWNT STEA, I cawnt bear that man's VICE, his accent grows horrider and horrider!'

Her ladyship rose, and left the room.

'Why, then,' continued Sir Terence, following up Miss Nugent to the table, where she was sealing letters, 'I must tell you how Isarved that same man on another occasion, and got the victory too.'

No general officer could talk of his victories, or fight his battles o'er again, with more complacency than Sir Terence O'Fay recounted his CIVIL exploits.

'Now I'll tell Miss Nugent.There was a footman in the family, not an Irishman, but one of your powdered English scoundrels that ladies are so fond of having hanging to the backs of their carriages; one Fleming he was, that turned spy, and traitor, and informer, went privately and gave notice to the creditors where the plate was hid in the thickness of the chimney; but if he did, what happened! Why, I had my counter-spy, an honest little Irish boy, in the creditor's shop, that I had secured with a little douceur of usquebaugh; and he outwitted, as was natural, the English lying valet, and gave us notice just in the nick, and Igot ready for their reception; and, Miss Nugent, I only wish you'd seen the excellent sport we had, letting them follow the scent they got; and when they were sure of their game, what did they find?--Ha! ha! ha!--dragged out, after a world of labour, a heavy box of--a load of brickbats; not an item of my friend's plate--that was all snug in the coal-hole, where them dunces never thought of looking for it.Ha! ha! ha!'

'But come, Terry,' cried Lord Clonbrony, 'I'll pull down your pride.How finely, another time, your job of the false ceiling answered in the hall.I've heard that story, and have been told how the sheriffs fellow thrust his bayonet up through your false plaster, and down came tumbling the family plate hey, Terry?

That hit cost your friend, Lord everybody-knows-who, more than your head's worth, Terry.'

'I ask your pardon, my lord, it never cost him a farthing.'

'When he paid L7000 for the plate, to redeem it?'

'Well! and did not I make up for that at the races of --? The creditors learned that my lord's horse, Naboclish, was to run at -- races; and, as the sheriff's officer knew he dare not touch him on the race-ground, what does he do, but he comes down early in the morning on the mail-coach, and walks straight down to the livery stables.He had an exact description of the stables, and the stall, and the horse's body-clothes.

'I was there, seeing the horse taken care of; and, knowing the cut of the fellow's jib, what does I do, but whips the body-clothes off Naboclish, and claps them upon a garrone that the priest would not ride.

'In comes the bailiff--"Good morrow to you, sir," says I, leading out of the stable my lord's horse, with an OULD saddle and bridle on.

'"Tim Neal," says I to the groom, who was rubbing down the garrone's heels, "mind your hits to-day, and WEE'L wet the plate to-night."'"Not so fast, neither," says the bailiff--"here's my writ for seizing the horse."'"Och," says I, "you wouldn't be so cruel."'

"That's all my eye," says he, seizing the garrone, while Imounted Naboclish, and rode him off deliberately to --'

'Ha! ha! ha!--That was neat, I grant you, Terry,' said Lord Clonbrony.'But what a dolt of a born ignoramus must that sheriffs fellow have been, not to know Naboclish when he saw him!'

'But stay, my lord--stay, Miss Nugent--I have more for you,'