第78章

"And when Martin,--who was to me then just what you are, Harry dear,--came up to my room in his own particular natural way, Ithought it was hard luck to be taken so literally and not be left alone to find my wings for a little.I had just escaped from a long term of subjection, and I wanted to have the joy of being free--quite absolutely free.Still not thinking, I sent him away and like a brick he went, and I didn't suppose it really mattered to him, any more than it did to me, and honestly if it had mattered it wouldn't have made any difference because I had promised myself to hit it up and work off the marks of my shackles and I was full of the 'Who Cares?' feeling.And then Gilbert Palgrave came along and helped to turn my head.Oh, what a perfect little fool I was, what a precocious, shallow, selfish little fool.And while I was having what I imagined was a good time and seeing life, Martin was wandering about alone, suffering from two things that aren't good for boys,--injustice and ingratitude.And then of course I woke up and saw things straight and knew his value, and when I went to get him and begin all over again he wasn't mine.I'd lost him."The boy's eyebrows contracted sharply."What a beastly shame," he said, "I mean for both of you." He included Martin because he liked him now, reading between the lines.He must be an awfully decent chap who had had a pretty bad time.

"Yes," said Joan, "it is, for both of us." And she was grateful to him for such complete understanding,--grateful for Martin, too.They might have been brothers, these boys."But for you, Easthampton would have been impossible," she added."I don't mean the house or the place or the sea, which is glorious.I mean from what I have forced myself to do.I came down labelled 'Who Cares?' caring all the time, and just to share my hurt with some one I've made Gilbert care too.He's in an ugly mood.I feel that he'll make me pay some day--in full.But I'm not afraid to be alone now and drop my bluff because I believe Martin is waiting for me and is back in armor again with your cousin.And I believe the old look will come into his eyes when he sees me, and he'll hear me ask him to forgive and we'll go back and play at keeping house in earnest.Harry, I believe that.Little as I deserve it I'm going to have another chance given to me,--every mile we go I feel that! After all, I'm awfully young and I've kept my slate clean and I ought to be given another chance, oughtn't I?"Harry nodded and presently brought the car to a stop under the shadow of the little clubhouse.Half a dozen other cars were parked there, and a colored chauffeur was sitting on the steps of the back entrance, fast asleep with his chin on his chest.The small but vigorous orchestra was playing a fox-trot on the far veranda, and the sound of shuffling feet resembled that of a man cleaning something with sandpaper.There was an army of flies on the screen door of the kitchen and on several galvanized iron bins stuffed with ginger-ale bottles and orange peel.

"We'll leave the car here," said Harry, "and go and have a look for the cottage.It'll be easy to find.There aren't many of 'em, if Iremember right."

Joan took his arm.She had begun to tremble."Let's go this way first," she said, going the right way by instinct.

"If they're in," said Harry, "and I should guess they are.--there's no wind,--I'll draw old Howard off for an hour or so.""Yes, please do, Harry."

And they went up the sandy incline, over the thick undergrowth, and the sun blazed down on the shining water, and half a dozen canvas-covered catboats near the little pier.Several people were sitting on it in bathing clothes, and some one was teaching a little girl to swim.The echo of her gurgling laughter and little cries came to them clearly.The sound of music and shuffling feet grew fainter and fainter.Gardiner's Island lay up against the horizon like a long inflated sand bag.There were crickets everywhere.Three or four large butterflies gamboled in the shimmering air.