第1章 童言无戏(1)
1 No Wonder They Put Him out
Tom：looking at the crying new baby：Has he just come from heaven？
Mother：Yes.
Tom：Well，it's no wonder they put him out.
怪不得他们把他赶出来
汤姆：看着不断哭着的新生儿：他是刚从天堂里来吗？
妈妈：是的。
汤姆：嗯，怪不得他们把他赶出来。
2 Important Job
John：My brother has an important job.He works with 50，000 people under him.
Jack：Is he the head of a big factory？
John：No，he mows lawns in a cemetery.
重要工作
约翰：我哥哥的工作非常重要，他手下有五万人。
杰克：他是一个大厂的厂长吗？
约翰：不，他为墓地锄草。
3 A UsefuI Way
Mother：Jack，why do you drink so much water？
Tim：I have just had an apple，Mum.
Mother：What's that got to do with it？
Tim：I forgot to wash the apple.
一个有用的方法
妈妈：“杰克，你干嘛喝这么多水呀？”
蒂姆：“我刚才吃了个苹果，妈妈。”
妈妈：“可是这跟喝水有什么关系呢？”
蒂姆：“我忘了洗苹果。”
4 You Don't Know My Father
Jenny：If you have one dollars，and you ask your father for three dollars，how much will you have？
Billy：one dollars.
Jenny：You don't know your math.
Billy：You don't know my father.
你不了解我爸
詹妮：“如果你有一元，你再向你爸爸要三元，你会有几元？”
比利：“一元。”
詹妮：“你不会算数吗！”
比利：“你又不了解我爸！”
5 What Did the Teacher Teach
Father asked her little girl，"Darling，what did the teacher teach you today？"
"Nothing，Dad，"answered the girl proudly，"instead，he asked me how much one plus two is，and I told him three."
老师教了什么
爸爸问她的小女儿：“宝贝，今天老师都教你什么？”
女儿骄傲地回答说：“爸爸，什么也没有教，他反而问我1加2是多少，我告诉他等于3。”
6 Wake Him Up
A teacher is droning away in the classroom when she notices a student sleeping way up in the back row.The teacher shouts to the sleeping student's neighbor，"Hey，wake that student up！"
The neighbor yells back，"You put him to sleep，you wake him up！"
把他叫醒
老师在教室里敷衍地讲着课，这时她注意到后排有一个学生正在睡觉。老师对睡觉同学的同桌吼道：“嘿，把那名学生叫醒！”
同桌也吼回去：“是你让他睡着的，你把他叫醒！”
7 Whose Father Was Stronger
William and Angus were quarrelling about whose father was stronger.
William said，"Well，you know the Pacific Ocean？My father's the one who dug the hole for it."
Angus wasn't impressed，"Well，that's nothing.You know the Dead Sea？My father's the one who killed it！"
谁的父亲更强壮
威廉和安格斯在为谁的父亲更强壮而争吵。
威廉说：“喏，你知道太平洋吗？那是我爸爸挖出来的。”
安格斯不屑一顾：“哦，那没什么。你知道死海吗？那是我爸爸杀死的。”
8 A Small Boy and a Donkey
A small boy leading a donkey passed by an Army camp.A couple of soldies wanted to have some fun with the lad.
"What are you holding onto your brother so tight for，sonny？"asked one of them.
"So he won't join the army."the youngster replied without blinking an eye.
小男孩与驴子
一个小男孩牵着头驴子穿过部队营房。两名士兵想跟小家伙开个玩笑。
“小孩，你把你哥哥牵得这么紧干什么？”其中一人问道。
“这样，他就不会去参军了。”小家伙眼都不眨地回答道。
9 Witty Answer
An elderly gentleman being，one evening，in the company of some persons who were much amused at the witty sayings of a child，said to someone near him that witty children usually made stupid men.
The child heard him and said to him，"Sir，you were very witty，no doubt when you were young."
机智的回答
一天傍晚，一位长者和几个人在一起津津乐道地谈论着儿童的才智，长者对身旁的人说，聪明的儿童后来往往变成蠢汉。有个小孩听到了，便说道：“先生，毫无疑问，你年轻时肯定很聪明。”
10 The Wedding
A father and his child are at a wedding.
The little boy looks at his dad and says，"Dad，why does the girl wear white？"
His dad replies，"The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."
The boy thinks about this，and then says，"Well then，why is the boy wearing black？"
婚礼
爸爸和他的孩子在一场婚礼上。
小男孩看着他的爸爸问道：“爸爸，为什么那个女孩穿着白色的衣服呢？”
他的爸爸回答说：“新娘穿着白色是因为她非常开心，这是她一生中最快乐的日子。”
小男孩想了会儿，然后说：“那么，为什么那个男孩穿黑色的衣服呢？”
11 Who Should Be Given the Gift
A father of four children came home with a toy，summoned his children and asked which one of them should be given the present，"Who is the most obedient，never talks back to mother and does everything he or she is told？"he inquired.
There was silence，and then a chorus of voices，"You play with it，daddy！"
礼物该给谁
一位有四个孩子的父亲带着一件玩具回到家里，把孩子们召集起来问这件礼物该给谁。“谁最听话，从不和妈妈顶嘴，让干什么就干什么？”他问道。
大家都不吭声。过了一会儿，孩子们异口同声地说：“爸爸，您玩吧。”
12 Lost Purse
A lady lost her handbag.It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her.
Looking in her purse，she commented，"Hmmm...that's funny.When I lost my bag there was a $10 bill in it.Now there are ten $ 1 bills."
The boy quickly replied，"That's right，lady.The last time I found a lady's purse，she didn't have any change for a reward."
丢钱包
一个女人丢了手提包，有一个诚实的小孩捡到后交还给了她。
她看了看钱包，说：“嗯，有趣，我丢的时候里面是一张10美元，现在成了10张一美元。”
“没错，夫人。”小男孩立刻回答道，“上次我捡到钱包时，那位夫人没有零钱奖赏给我。”
13 God and Grandma
A little boy and his little sister were spending the night at their grandparents.
At bedtime，they knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the younger one began praying at the top of her lungs.
"I pray for a NEW BICYCLE...I pray for a NEW VCR..."
His older brother nudged the younger sister and said，"Why are you shouting your prayers？God isn't deaf."To which the little sister replied，"No，but Grandma is！"
上帝和祖母
一个小男孩和他的妹妹在他们的祖父母家过夜。
睡觉前，他们跪在床旁祈祷。妹妹用非常大的声音祈祷着。“我祈求有一辆新自行车……我祈求有一个新录像机……”
他的哥哥用肘轻轻地碰了妹妹一下，说：“你为什么这么大声地喊叫呢？上帝又不是聋子。”
妹妹听了回答道：“上帝是不聋，可奶奶聋呀！”
14 Roast Pig
One day a girl came to her teacher and said，"Teacher，My father wants to know if you like roast pig."
"I certainly do，"said the teacher，"and you tell your father he is very kind to think of me."
Days passed，and nothing more was said about the roast pig.
Finally the teacher said to the girl，"I thought your father was going to send me over some roast pig."
"Yes，"said the girl."he did intend to，but the pig got well."
烤猪
一天有个女孩去对他老师说：“老师，我爸想知道你是不是爱吃烤猪肉。”
“当然喽，”老师说，“告诉你父亲，多谢他想着我。”
好几天过去了，再没谁提起烤猪肉的事儿。
最后老师对女孩说：“我以为你父亲要给我送点儿烤猪肉来呢。”
“是啊，”孩子说，“他是这么想的，可后来猪又痊愈了。”
15 It Wasn't Deep
A stranger on horseback came to a river with which he was unfamiliar.
The traveler asked a youngster if it was deep.
"No."replied the boy，and the rider started to cross.But soon found that he and his horse had to swim for their lives.
When the traveler reached the other side he turned and shouted，"I thought you said it wasn't deep？"
"It isn't."was the reply，"It only takes grandpa's goose up to their middles！"
不深
一个骑马的过路人来到一条他不熟悉的河边。
他问一名少年这条河深不深。
“不深。”男孩答道。骑马人就开始过河，但他很快就发现他和马要想活命就得游过去。
当这个游客到达河对岸时，转过身喊道：“我想你说过河不深吧？”
“不深，”孩子答道，“它仅能淹没我爷爷养的鹅的半个身子。”