第57章

I FELT that the train was hardly moving.

I reached Bougival at eleven.

Not one window in the house was lit.I rang，but no one answered.

It was the first time anything like this had happened.At length，the gardener appeared I entered the house.

Nanine met me with a light.I reached Marguerite's room.

'Where is your mistress？'

'Madame has gone to Paris，'Nanine answered.

'Paris！'

'Yes，sir.'

'When？'

'An hour after you.'

'Did she leave anything for you to give me？'

'Nothing.'

Nanine left me.

'It's quite likely she was afraid，'I thought，'and went to Paris to see for herself whether the visit I'd said I was going to make to my father's wasn't just an excuse for having a day away from her.'

'Perhaps Prudence wrote to her about something important，'I said to myself when I was alone.'But I saw Prudence as soon as I got there，and she didn't say anything to make me suppose that she'd written to Marguerite.'

Suddenly，I recalled the question Madame Duvernoy had asked me：'So she's not coming today？'when I had told her Marguerite was ill.Simultaneously，I remembered Prudence's embarrassed reaction when I'd stared at her after hearing her words，which had seemed to hint at a secret rendezvous.To this was added my recollection of the tears Marguerite had wept all that day which had been pushed into the back of my mind by my father's warm welcome.

From this moment on，all of the day's events began to congregate around my original suspicion and rooted it so firmly in my thoughts that everything seemed to confirm it，even my father's leniency.

Marguerite had virtually insisted that I should go to Paris.She had pretended to be calm when I suggested I should stay by her side.Had I fallen into a trap？Was Marguerite deceiving me？Had she counted on getting back in sufficiently good time for me to remain unaware of her absence，and had some chance occurrence detained her？Why had she not said anything to Nanine，or why had she not left me a note？What was the meaning of the tears，her absence，this whole mystery？

Such were the questions which，with some trepidation，I put to myself as I stood in that empty bedroom，with my eyes fixed on the clock which，striking midnight，seemed to be telling me that it was too late now for me to hope to see my mistress return.

And yet，after the plans we had made，after the sacrifice which had been offered and accepted，was it likely she should be unfaithful？No.I made a conscious effort to dismiss my initial assumptions.

'The poor girl has probably found a buyer for her furniture and has gone to Paris to finalize the details.She didn't want to tell me beforehand because she knows that，though I may have agreed to her selling everything，for our future happiness depends on it，I don't like the idea at all.She was afraid she'd wound my pride and my scruples if she mentioned it.She'd much prefer to turn up again when everything is settled.It's obvious that Prudence was expecting her in connection with all this，and she gave herself away to me.Marguerite won't have been able to conclude her business today and is spending the night in her apartment，or perhaps she'll be here any minute，for she must have some idea of how anxious I am and certainly won't want to leave me to worry.'

'But if that's the way of it，why the tears？She loves me of course，but I expect the poor girl couldn't help crying at the thought of giving up the luxury she's lived in up to now，for it made her happy and envied.'

I readily forgave Marguerite her regrets.I waited impatiently for her to come so that I could tell her，as I smothered her in kisses，that I had guessed the reason for her mysterious absence.

But the night wore on and still Marguerite did not come.

Imperceptibly，my anxiety tightened its hold，and gripped both my mind and my heart.Perhaps something had happened to her！Perhaps she was lying injured or ill or dead！Perhaps I would see a messenger arrive with news of some terrible accident！Perhaps the new day would find me still plunged in the same uncertainties，the same fears！

The thought that Marguerite was being unfaithful to me even as I waited in the midst of the terrors unleashed by her absence，no longer entered my head.There had to be some good reason，independent of her will，to keep her far from me，and the more I thought about it，the more convinced I was that this reason could only be some misfortune or other.Oh，the pride of man assumes protean shapes！

It had just struck one.I told myself I would wait another hour and then，if Marguerite were not back by two o'clock，I would leave for Paris.

To while away the time，I looked for a book，for I dared not let myself think.

Manon Lescaut lay open on the table.It appeared to me that here and there the pages were damp，as though tears had been shed over them.After skimming through the volume，I closed it：the print made no sense through the veil of my doubts.

Time passed slowly.The sky was overcast.Autumn rain lashed the windows.At times，the empty bed seemed，I thought，to resemble a grave.I felt afraid.

I opened the door.I listened，but heard nothing save the sound of the wind in the trees.No carriage rattled by on the road outside.Half past struck lugubriously from the church tower.

I had reached the point where I was afraid that someone would come.I felt that only misfortune would come seeking me out at such an hour and in such dismal weather.

It struck two.I waited a little longer.Only the regular，rhythmic ticking of the clock disturbed the silence.

At length，I left the room.Even the most trivial object in it had assumed that air of gloom which an anxious and lonely heart lends to everything around it.

In the next room，I found Nanine asleep over her needle work.The creaking of the door woke her，and she asked me if her mistress had returned.

'No，but if she does，you will say that I couldn't stand the worry and that I've gone to Paris.'