第34章

The Words were very apt to my Case，and made some Impression upon my Thoughts at the Time of reading them，tho' not so much as they did afterwards；for as for being deliver'd，the Word had no Sound，as I may say，to me；the Thing was so remote，so impossible in my Apprehension of Things，that I began to say as the Children of Israel did，when they were promis'd Flesh to eat，Can God spread a Table in the Wilderness？ so I began to say，Can God himself deliver me from this Place？ and as it was not for many Years that any Hope appear'd，this prevail'd very often upon my Thoughts：But however，the Words made a great Impression upon me，and I mused upon them very often. It grew now late，and the Tobacco had，as I said，doz'd my Head so much，that I inclin'd to sleep；so I left my Lamp burning in the Cave，least I should want any Thing in the Night，and went to Bed；but before I lay down，I did what I never had done in all my Life，I kneel'd down and pray'd to God to fulfil the Promise to me，that if I call'd upon him in the Day of Trouble，he would deliver me；after my broken and imperfect Prayer was over，I drunk the Rum in which I had steep'd the Tobacco，which was so strong and rank of the Tobacco，that indeed I could scarce get it down；immediately upon this I went to Bed，I found presently it flew up in my Head violently，but I fell into a sound Sleep，and wak'd no more 'till by the Sun it must necessarily be near Three a-Clock in the Afternoon the next Day；nay，to this Hour，I'm partly of the Opinion，that I slept all the next Day and Night，and 'till almost Three that Day after；for otherwise I knew not how I should lose a Day out of my Reckoning in the Days of the Week，as it appear'd some Years after I had done：for if I had lost it by crossing and re-crossing the Line，I should have lost more than one Day：But certainly I lost a Day in my Accompt，and never knew which Way.

Be that however one Way or th' other，when I awak'd I found my self exceedingly refresh'd，and my Spirits lively and chearful；when I got up，I was stronger than I was the Day before，and my Stomach better，for I was hungry；and in short，I had no Fit the next Day，but continu'd much alter'd for the better；this was the 29th.

The 30th was my well Day of Course，and I went abroad with my Gun，but did not care to travel too far，I kill'd a Sea Fowl or two，something like a brand Goose，and brought them Home，but was not very forward to eat them；so I ate some more of the Turtle's Eggs，which were very good：This Evening I renew'd the Medicine which I had suppos'd did me good the Day before，viz. the Tobacco steep'd in Rum，only I did not take so much as before，nor did I chew any of the Leaf，or hold my Head over the Smoke；however，I was not so well the next Day，which was the first of July，as I hop'd I shou'd have been；for I had a little Spice of the cold Fit，but it was not much.

July 2. I renew'd the Medicine all the three Ways，and doz'd my self with it as at first；and doubled the Quantity which I drank.

3. I miss'd the Fit for good and all，tho' I did not recover my full Strength for some Weeks after；while I was thus gathering Strength，my Thoughts run exceedingly upon this Scripture，I will deliver thee，and the Impossibility of my Deliverance lay much upon my Mind in Barr of my ever expecting it：But as I was discouraging my self with such Thoughts，it occurr'd to my Mind，that I pored so much upon my Deliverance from the main Affliction，that I disregarded the Deliverance I had receiv'd；and I was，as it were，made to ask my self such Questions as these，viz. Have I not been deliver'd，and wonderfully too，from Sickness？ from the most distress'd Condition that could be，and that as so frightful to me，and what Notice I had taken of it？

Had I done my Part？ God had deliver'd me，but I had not glorify'd him；that is to say，I had not own'd and been thankful for that as a Deliverance，and how cou'd I expect greater Deliverance？

This touch'd my Heart very much，and immediately I kneel'd down and gave God Thanks aloud，for my Recovery from my Sickness.

July 4. In the Morning I took the Bible，and beginning at the New Testament，I began seriously to read it，and impos'd upon my self to read a while every Morning and every Night，not tying my self to the Number of Chapters，but as long as my Thoughts shou'd engage me：It was not long after I set seriously to this Work，but I found my Heart more deeply and sincerely affected with the Wickedness of my past Life：The Impression of my Dream reviv'd，and the Words，All these Things have not brought thee to Repentance，ran seriously in my Thought：I was earnestly begging of God to give me Repentance，when it happen'd providentially the very Day that reading the Scripture，I came to these Words，He is exalted a Prince and a Saviour，to give Repentance，and to give Remission：I threw down the Book，and with my Heart as well as my Hands lifted up to Heaven，in a Kind of Extasy of Joy，I cry'd out aloud，Jesus，thou Son of David，Jesus，thou exalted Prince and Saviour，give me Repentance！

This was the first Time that I could say，in the true Sense of the Words，that I pray'd in all my Life；for now I pray'd with a Sense of my Condition，and with a true Scripture View of Hope founded on the Encouragement of the Word of God；and from this Time，I may say，I began to have Hope that God would hear me.