第4章 心灵独白A Proposal to My self

佚名/Anonymous

写这篇文章的那天，是我知道自己命运的前一天，也是我知道自己的生活中将会发生什么的前一天。我全神贯注地写这篇文章，相信自己会继续前进，不会被生活抛弃。我决定尽自己一切可能去了解世界的每一方面。我坚信自己会有所成就，即使那封承载着我命运的信给我带来了坏消息。

我将永不听信那些人的话，他们坚持认为这个时代唯一的谋生手段属于有大学学位的人，那些说我是一个没有理想的空想家的人，我也将毫不理睬。我告诉自己，即使大学可能没有录取我，可我曾见过北极光，它们在我面前幕布般展开；我曾品尝过巴黎的美酒，畅游过大西洋和太平洋；我曾去过爱尔兰的酒馆，在古罗马广场欣赏过日出；我也曾爬过瑞士的阿尔卑斯山，数过天上所有能看见的星星。

我体验了自己喜欢的生活，我会告诉自己，即使那个小信封承载的全是拒绝，这个被拒绝的人也会继续前进，去看更多的山脉，去游更多的河流，并继续数星星，因为命中注定，我必须过属于自己的生活，而且我也知道怎么去过自己的生活。

明天，我的邮箱里会有一封信，它会带来一个答案，我已经准备好用勇气和自尊来承受。我不会哭，除非是喜悦的泪水，因为我告别了童年，迎来了新的生活——一份神秘和未知的生活。它将教导我成长，让我懂得事物的生存之道。它将会过滤我所有的遗憾，成倍增加我的个人价值。

在我的战役中，我会变得强壮，琐碎的事情将无法将我击倒。我会告诉自己，偶尔浮躁无关紧要，友善会弥补你的过错。我知道自己很善良，且很聪明，不一定非要上了大学才能聪明。我知道自己是谁，尽管自己的多重性格令一些大脑外科医生都手足无措。

我生来就是一个独立而高傲的女人，我接受自己，不论大学是否录取我，我都会真诚对待自己和周围的人。这个星期，伴随着与学校里的一切告别，我将学会继续前行。我会记住我的朋友、熟人和偶像，我将祝愿他们一生好运连连。那封还没有寄到的信，不只是一封信，而是我对自己的生活做出的决定。像所有的同龄人一样，我也很困惑，但我绝不回头。不管身在何处，我只会展望明天，迎接每一天的到来。

I am writing this the day before I know my fate—the day before I know the answer to what will happen in my life.I am writing this with my mind set that I will carry on and not let life pass me by.I am determined that I will see the world in every aspect that may be possible for me.I am sure that I will become something，even if the envelope that carries my life inside it gives me bad news.

I will not listen to those who insist that a university degree is tile only way you will find a means of living these days.I will ignore those who tell me that I am a dreamer without a dream.I will tell myself that although I may not be accepted to college，I have seen the northern lights curtain themselves in front of me.I have tasted the wine in Paris and swum in Atlantic and Pacific Oceans.I have been to an Irish pub，and I have watched the sun rise from the Roman Forum.I have climbed the Swiss Alps and counted the stars in the sky until I could see no more.

I have experienced what it is like to live，and I will tell myself that even if that envelope is small and exudes rejection，the person that they have rejected will carry on and go on to see more mountains and swim in more waters and keep on counting the stars，because somewhere it is written that I must continue to live my life the way I know how to.

The envelope that will reach my mailbox tomorrow will bring an answer that I am ready to bear with courage and self-respect.I will not cry，unless they be tears of joy for bidding good-bye to my childhood and welcoming in a new life—one that is mysterious and unknown.One that will teach me to grow and understand why things are the way they are.One that will filter out all my regrets and let myself-worth multiply.

I will be strong in my battle and not let little things bring me down.I will tell myself that it is okay to be scatterbrained once in a while and that sometimes the kindness you show will balance out your faults.I will know that I am a good person and that being smart doesn’t necessarily mean that you are accepted into college.I know who I am and there are brain surgeons who would be challenged sorting through my multi-faceted psyche.

I am independent by nature and a proud woman.I accept who I am.And whether or not I am accepted into college，I will be true to myself and to others around me.I will learn to carry on with every good-bye I say at school this week.I will remember my friends and acquaintances and idols，and I will wish them the best of luck in life.

The envelope that has yet to reach my house will not be a letter，but rather a decision that I will make with my life.I am confused，as are most people my age around this time but I will not look back.I will only look forward tomorrow and greet each day，wherever I am with a smile.